


You Again

by 96qutie



Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Angst, Emotional Baggage, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oral Sex, Scars, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:15:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26692048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/96qutie/pseuds/96qutie
Summary: In high school Cloud Strife falls for the most popular kid in school, Zack Fair, only for things to end badly between them. Five years later they meet again and a second chance is opened up for both of them. Can Cloud let go of the past long enough to move on with his present? Or will events just repeat themselves all over again?
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 16
Kudos: 97





	1. Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys! So this story is actually the reason Losing Your Mind has been slower to update than it was before. I got this idea and I decided I would let myself write it so long as I finished BEFORE I posted it, so then I could go back to writing LYM as soon as this was done. So this entire fic has already been written completely, and I'm probably going post it chapter by chapter all in one night. I hope you guys enjoy this!

_ It’s funny how small moments can change the course of your life, almost before you notice. For Cloud… the change probably started… _

“Are you my partner?” Cloud looked up to see a supernova smile baring down at him, making him feel a little sunburned.

“W-what?” He stuttered in a soft voice. Had he fallen asleep in class again? Why was Zack Fair talking to him? They didn’t talk. Zack didn’t even know he existed. Cloud just watched him from afar. 

“My lab partner?” Zack clarified though he seemed confused about why he should have to. “They were just assigned? Were you…?” He glanced down at Cloud’s notebook, which was not covered in class notes like people no-doubt expected of him. Instead, it was full of drawings. Motorcycles… old machinery like he was drawing a dystopian comic… weapons straight out of a video game. 

Zack’s eyes swept over them and then he smiled. “Ah,” He sat down and nudged him. “Those are cool, so I’ll give you a pass on totally zoning out during class.” He pointed to the really big sword Cloud had drawn as if it were strapped to someone’s back, but the person was just an outline. The sword itself was very detailed. “I like that one.”

Cloud blushed. He never shared his drawings with people. Why was he letting that happen?

Zack smiled again and Cloud had a hard time asking any more questions, even to himself. 

“Well… if I keep your secret do you think you can help me with the actual science project? I’m totally willing to do my half of the work, but there’s no way I can carry both of us.”

Cloud was not surprised to hear this. Zack was already student body president and captain of the rugby team, both of which required a high GPA for him to stay qualified. Despite this though, Cloud had never suspected Zack of being the type that didn’t have to work for his grades. In fact, it seemed like he succeeded thanks to grit and determination more than anything else. 

Cloud shook his head and pulled out a graded test they had just gotten back. ‘A’ was marked up the corner along with a comment about how well thought out his work was. 

“I can handle it,” Cloud said. “In fact, if you want me just to do it all so you can focus on your busy schedule that’s fine.” There was no malice in his words. Just observation.

Zack frowned at him. “I’m not trying to mooch off of you. Don’t let other people take advantage of you just because you're smart.”

Cloud stared at him, a little surprised. Wasn’t using kids like him what popular people did? Cloud blushed and looked away. There was a reason his eyes and ears followed everything about Zack. He was kind, hard-working, talented, athletic, confident, attractive. Not to mention he was the first kid in their small stupid town to ever come out as openly bisexual to the school. 

Zack was everything Cloud wished he was. Cloud had known about his own bi-status since late in middle-school but he never would have told anyone. Kids were judgemental in this town. He already had enough reasons for people to mock him. 

Of course… Cloud’s secret crush on Zack was the thing he would get mocked for the most if it ever came out. So of course the universe had put him right in Cloud’s path. Determined to make trouble for him. 

Cloud had the worst luck. 

___

  
  


**___________ PRESENT DAY - SHINRA UNIVERSITY __________**

Cloud’s motorcycle roared to a stop as he parked it, turning it off with a click of the key. He pulled his helmet off and stuffed it into the seat compartment, locking that too and shrugging off his leather jacket. The heat of summer hadn’t totally faded yet, so he shoved it in his bag. 

Cloud was running late, which was why he had bothered taking his bike instead of walking. He tightened his grip on his bag as he walked briskly across the grass.

The class was for Military History, which only held a passing interest for Cloud since his major was Mechanical Engineering, but he did find himself enjoying the history of war and battles for some reason.

Cloud arrived in the class with only minutes to spare but, somehow, the teacher was still setting up. Unfortunately, the lecture hall was barely big enough and the class was popular, which meant Cloud ended up in the front row. He tried to keep his discomfort off his as he sat down and pulled out his laptop to take notes. 

Just as the clock ticked over to the time for class, one more person came running through the door. Cloud looked up to enjoy the catharsis of not being the latest person in the room only to feel his heart stop cold in his chest.

His messy black hair… the bright blue of his eyes… even the way he walked… Cloud’s stomach lurched at the familiarity of it.

“You  _ do _ realize TAs are supposed to be early, right Fair?” Cloud heard Professor Hewley say when Zack strode in, looking not nearly disheveled enough for Cloud’s heart to stop pounding just from looking at him.

“Sorry!” Zack smiled in his usual sunny way that Cloud still recognized by heart. “But I’m totally prepared!”

Professor Hewley sighed and motioned for him to finish setting up while he started class. 

Cloud felt numb. He couldn’t even force himself to hear what the professor was saying as class began, it all bounced off of him like ambient noise. . 

_ You’re being stupid.  _ Cloud thought to himself, trying to calm down and focus.  _ It was a long time ago. _

Cloud swallowed down his anxiety and tried to focus on the professor’s words instead of just watching his mouth move. It almost started to work. 

Then all that calm went out of the window when Zack approached him. 

“Start the roll?” he asked, handing Cloud a clipboard. 

Cloud could hear his own heartbeat flood his ear, but his hand was mercifully steady as he reached out to take it. 

_ Breath, breath, breath. _

It took Cloud a moment to be confused that Zack didn’t let go. When he  _ did  _ notice, he looked up to find sky colored eyes staring at him, wide with shock.

“Are… Cloud?” Zack kept his voice down to avoid disturbing the class, but Cloud felt his voice like a physical blow to his chest. “Is that you?”

A cold sweat broke out on the back of Cloud’s neck and he must have taken a beat too long to respond because…

“It’s Zack.” the taller man added, as if somehow Cloud had forgotten him. “From high school? From Gongaga?”

Cloud swallowed down his nerves. 

“Right,” Cloud tried to keep his voice casual but he sounded strained. “Hey, Zack.” 

He signed the roll and passed it on, but Zack kept staring. 

“Will you wait for me after class?” he asked suddenly. “Please?”

Cloud’s mind skid to a halt.

Mercifully, he was spared answering when the professor shouted. “Fair! Let my students learn!”

Zack apologized quickly and went back to his spot, but his eyes kept finding Cloud for the rest of the class, the question hanging in their bright blue color. 

Cloud’s stomach twisted. 

That day was still so raw in his mind. The way Zack’s eyes flickered with understanding when he saw him. The way his mouth opened like he was going to say something. Then all of the laughs… 

Cloud wanted to throw up. 

___

  
  
  


**___ 4 YEARS & 10 MONTHS BEFORE -- GONGAGA ___**

  
  


“Wow, you live kind of far from school.” Zack complained from his seat on the bus, making Cloud frown at him.

“I told you that we didn’t have to go to my house. I could have met you wherever you wanted.”

Zack shrugged. “It’s fine. I have some extended family visiting, so my house is too loud right now to focus on homework, and the school library would kick us out by 5:00.”

Cloud scuffed his sneaker against the dirty floor of the bus. He didn’t like revealing so much of his life to someone like Zack. He hated seeing his own life through the lense of how boring and sad it must seem in comparison to Zack’s. Not that Zack had actually said anything about it… 

When the bus finally came to his stop Cloud got up and motioned for Zack to follow. They dropped onto the sidewalk and Cloud led the way toward home. Zack seemed in a good mood, but Cloud wasn’t sure how to talk to him. He’d never been good at talking to other people.

“It’s so cute!” The senior boy exclaimed when Cloud mounted the front steps of his house. Cloud looked at it, trying to understand Zack's perspective. 

His was a small house. Pale yellow with a white porch and a creaky old bench-swing. Cloud shrugged and unlocked the door. 

Once inside they kicked off their shoes and sat down at the kitchen table. Cloud pulled out his books while Zack was distracted looking around. 

“Is no one else home?”

Cloud shrugged his shoulders. “My mom works until later.”

“Oh yeah? What does she do?”

“She works for a restaurant. She’s one of the cooks.”

“That's so cool! Do you get to try her food?”

“Yeah, she brings it home for dinner a lot.” Cloud eyed Zack. “You ask a lot of questions.”

“I’m just getting to know you.” Zack laughed as if Cloud being stand-offish was amusing. “Do you want to ask me something? Even the playing field?”

Cloud felt like he already knew more about Zack than he should. Everyone at school talked about him, and Cloud had a bad habit of eavesdropping whenever he heard Zack’s name. He just couldn’t help himself, but maybe now he could try to find things out on his own.

“Ummm… do you have a lot of extended family?” Cloud asked, peering at Zack from beneath his own messy hair. Zack perked up excitedly. 

“Yeah! Tons. Lots of loud cousins, aunts, and uncles.”

“Oh yeah?” Cloud murmured. Another thing he was jealous of. Having lots of family around sounded warm and lively. He wondered if they were all bright and kind like Zack. 

Zack hummed. “Yeah. I love seeing them, but it’s nice coming somewhere quiet like this where you can focus and have your own space.”

Cloud shrugged in response. “I guess. We should decide what project we’re doing.”

“Right.” Zack allowed, moving back to the table to claim his chair “What do  _ you  _ think?”

Cloud tapped his pencil nervously.

The next few hours were a little easier. Cloud tried to keep them focused on work, which made it easier for him to talk. He was good at school things, so he could handle talking about the project so long as he didn’t let himself meet Zack’s eyes too directly. Zack seemed willing to meet him halfway, even having a lot to offer, which just proved to Cloud again that he was good at everything. 

“I’m starving,” Zack eventually complained, breaking their momentum. Cloud wasn’t sure what to say to that until his mother walked through the door. 

“Hi sweetie. I remembered you were bringing home a classmate today, so I took extra,” She said, motioning to the bags on her arms. “Oh!” She said as she spied the other boy at the table. “You must be the lab partner.” 

“Zack,” he supplied with his sunlit smile, “You’re a sight for a growling stomach, Ms. Strife.” 

She laughed, “Ah, always a good thing to hear.” she said and started pulling out to-go containers. “It’s nice to meet you, Zack. You can just call me Claudia.”

“Let me help!” Zack offered, jumping to his feet. 

Claudia smiled at him and Cloud quietly moved to grab them plates and silverware so he could set the table, moving all of the books aside.

“How is the project going?” She asked when the three of them had settled down at the table again. 

Zack was busy inhaling his plate so Cloud answered.

“We picked a topic and have some basic ideas, but it’ll still take a lot of work to get everything done.”

“It’s going to be amazing!” Zack said excitedly once his food was gone and could no longer distract him. “Cloud’s so smart! I’m two years older than him and my projects have never been this good. The teacher is  _ not _ going to buy that I had anything to do with this.”

“She will too.” Cloud scolded him, but his ears turned red at the attention. 

Zack laughed cheerfully, “You’re too humble. I need to work on that.”

Cloud rolled his eyes.

Claudia's expression was tender but she seemed to be hiding it for Cloud’s sake. 

“Still hungry, Zack?” She asked and the boy perked up again.

“Yes ma’am! I could eat your food all day. You’re going to fatten me right off the rugby team.”

Claudia laughed. “I doubt that, but do be careful,” She said as Zack heaped himself another plate of food.

“Can we work here until the project is done?” he asked around his fork. “There’s good food and Cloud talks  _ way  _ more here than at school.”

Cloud balked at that. Did he? He hadn’t noticed. 

“Of course.” Claudia smiled at Cloud. “I’d hoped he would start bringing more friends around here.” 

“Then I’ll sign up for that.” Zack volunteered.

Cloud kicked his chair. “Don’t invite yourself!”

Zack laughed, “What? Are you saying you don’t want me as a friend, Cloud?” he pouted and his eyes looked unbelievably sad, like a scolded puppy. 

Cloud blushed bright pink. 

“I…” He looked at his mom, who was suddenly busying herself with the dishes so she didn’t have to offer an opinion. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Zack beamed, “So we can be friends?”

Cloud stared like the other boy had grown a second head. “If you want.”

“Woo hoo!” Zack whooped and pumped his fist in the air. “Cloud likes me!”

“Shut up!” Cloud threw a napkin at him. He could see his mother laughing even though she tried to smother it and it made his heart pound even harder in his chest for the entire rest of the night.

That was how he became friends with Zack Fair. 

___


	2. Start Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Zack spend some time together and try to navigate around their shared past.

**___ PRESENT DAY -- SHINRA UNIVERSITY__**

After class Cloud considered just making a run for it, but he knew that would be a short term solution. He considered if dropping the class completely would be worthwhile just to avoid all this, but that made him feel like a coward. He wasn’t going to keep running away for the rest of his life.

So Cloud waited, taking his time to pack up his things and then hovering by the door until Zack was done. When the raven-haired man finally jogged over to him he seemed very relieved. 

“Thanks for waiting! I hope I didn’t make you late for anything.”

“This is my last class,” Cloud told him, his voice stiff. “Why did you want me to wait?”

Zack smiled at him, “Well… It's just been a long time. I thought maybe we could get some coffee and catch up.”

Cloud hesitated but finally nodded, reminding himself this wasn’t high school anymore. He was a different person, he could handle this. 

“Sure.”

“Great,” Zack’s smile grew in voltage and he nodded his head down the hall. “Have you been to Behemoth Brews? It’s near the south side of campus. We could probably walk.”

Cloud shook his head. “I just started here, so I don’t really know my way around yet.”

“Oh.” Zack blinked in surprise. “I didn’t realize. Well, I’d love to show it to you then!” He started leading the way. “So are you a freshman?”

Cloud tried to look anywhere except directly at Zack. “I’m a sophomore. I did one year at Nibelheim Community College but I transferred. What about you? Shouldn’t you have graduated?”

Zack hummed in acknowledgement, “I went into the military for three years after high school. So I just barely started here last year. I’m actually a sophomore too.” He smiled at Cloud as if the similarity pleased him. “So Nibelheim? Is that where you disappeared to?”

Cloud tensed, feeling the subject getting too close to areas he didn’t want to talk about.

“Pretty much.” He paused. They were outside now and his eyes drifted toward his bike. 

Zack stopped with him, tilting his head. “Everything okay?”

“Can we take my bike?” Cloud asked, turning back to Zack. “I don’t want to leave it here.”

Zack blinked in surprise and then followed Cloud’s eye-line. He beamed when he saw what he was looking at.

“Holy shit.” Zack walked in that direction without prompting. When he reached the bike he knelt down beside it and whistled. “You build her yourself?”

Cloud shuffled awkwardly behind him. “Umm… yeah. How did you know?”

“I recognize a custom built bike when I see one. Besides, in high school you always used to talk about building one. Your mom kept insisting you wait until you could afford new parts because she was afraid of you riding around on a piece of junk.”

Cloud stiffened at the mention of his mother.

“She’s beautiful. You did a great job.” Zack continued, stroking the side. “I’m a little jealous you beat me to it.”

“Oh,” Cloud rubbed his neck when he remembered. “That’s right. You always liked mechanics too. We were going to build our bikes together.”

“We were going to open our own garage.” Zack corrected, standing back up. “What was that name you came up with…” 

Cloud blushed. He remembered, but he didn’t want to say it.

“Grey Wolf!” Zack snapped his fingers when he remembered. “Grey Wolf Garage. We were both going to own it and work there, but you were going to do the customer paint jobs. You said  _ I  _ had to be the face of it, because  _ you  _ didn’t want to talk to people.” He laughed fondly at the memory and it made Cloud’s heart hurt.

“Oh yeah, I remember.” He mumbled quietly, staring at the ground. “It was a good plan.”

“Still is,” Zack said, turning around to smile at him. “You still going for it?”

Cloud’s eyes widened a little at the question. “Well… kind off. I’m going into mechanical engineering... with a minor in business.”

Zack’s smile was suddenly big and warm and it made Cloud’s stomach feel wobbly when he dared to look up at it directly. “Me too.”

Cloud went ridgid. “What?”

“Me too.” Zack tilted his head at him. “I’m majoring in Mechanical Engineering too. I’ve still been dreaming of making custom bikes, thanks to you, so I thought I would try and go for it.”

Cloud didn’t know what to say to that. He felt a little trapped “Thanks to me?”

“Well… I had always wanted to do something like that-- I used to fix up old cars with my dad-- but you were the one that made me really excited about having our own garage someday. It just sounded like so much fun when I used to talk about it with you.” Zack looked a little sad. 

“After you moved away my family encouraged me toward the military, and I was almost going to stick with that but…” Zack shook his head before shrugging off his jacket. Underneath, his left arm was horribly scarred. 

“And this isn’t even the worst of it.” Zack laughed dryly, “I can’t remember the details but apparently I got hit by a roadside bomb. I got lucky in a lot of ways… but I can’t pass the physicals anymore. Some of my bones just never healed right, and if I keep pushing them then I might lose even more mobility so… here I am.” 

Cloud’s expression softened. It hurt to see Zack like that, to realize what he’d been through. Cloud had just been working dumb jobs before college. Zack had nearly died. 

“I’m sorry.” Cloud murmured, his voice gentle. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys. “If you want… I’ll let you drive Fenrir to the coffee shop.” 

Zack turned to him, an amused smirk tugging at his lips. “Fenrir? Like the norse wolf? Does your mind just associate bikes with wolves?”

Cloud blushed. “I like wolves.”

Zack laughed, and it was full body and deep. It made Cloud’s nerves buzz pleasantly, like he’d done something right.

“Okay, wolf boy.” Zack teased. He walked over and trapped Cloud’s keys between Cloud’s palm and his, lacing their fingers around them like they were holding hands. Cloud’s heart picked up speed. “But don’t think I don’t realize this is a pity drive.”

Cloud felt himself smile. “Take what you can get, Fair. This bike is my baby.”

“Hmmm,” Zack hummed and his eyes made the sound very suggestive. “Sounds like a challenge.”

Cloud rolled his eyes but his ears were red when he pressed the keys into Zack’s hand and pulled away. “Just drive.” he grumbled. “And if you so much as flatten a tire I’m going to tell Professor Hewley you showed me test answers.”

Zack gave a scandalized gasp. “You’re playing dirty, Strife.” He said, swinging his leg around the bike. Cloud tried not to think about how good it looked between Zack’s thighs. 

Cloud climbed on behind him, wrapping his arms around Zack’s waist. At that moment… it was easy to forget that things hadn’t always been like this. That they hadn’t just stayed friends all these years.

But when Cloud could feel his own heartbeat stutter every time Zack breathed underneath his fingers… he knew exactly why they hadn’t.

___

  
  
  


“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me to slow down even once.” Zack was saying around his laughter as they walked into Behemoth Brews. It  _ did _ look like a good coffee shop; big and spread out, to make it feel less crowded. 

“You were doing fine.” Cloud shrugged. “I drive faster than that all the time.”

Zack looked a little alarmed. “Seriously? Promise me you’re a good driver, Cloud. I really don’t want to find you in a hospital one day.”

“I’m a better driver than  _ you _ are.” Cloud barbed right back. “I’ve never even gotten a ticket.”

“Not even a speeding ticket?” Zack raised an eyebrow.

Cloud pulled off his jacket. “I’m good at spotting cops.”

Zack snorted a laugh. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

They got in line and Cloud ordered a large Americano. Zack ordered some kind of tea.

“You’re a tea person?” Cloud accused and Zack laughed. 

“Aerith got me into it, okay? She’s really persuasive.” 

Cloud frowned. Zack said the name like Cloud should know it, but he didn’t. One of Zack’s cousins? He didn’t think so… but their order was ready before Cloud bothered to ask.

They found a table near the window and Cloud hung his jacket on the chair. He took a long drink of bitter espresso and it burned on the way down. 

“So, what have you been up to all this time?” Zack asked as he settled into his chair. “You said you moved to Nibelheim?”

Cloud took a deep breath. He wasn’t surprised this came up, but he still didn’t want to talk about it. 

“Yeah um…” He toyed with his cup, focusing on it instead of Zack while he spoke. “My mom… she had been having health problems for a while. She ended up taking a turn for the worst. She stayed in a hospital in Gongaga for a while, but even once they released her she wasn’t sure she would be able to keep working. So we moved to Nibelheim to live with a family friend who helped us out.” Cloud tried to swallow down the emotion that rose up in his throat. “She died two years ago.” 

Zack’s eyes widened. “Shit, Cloud… I’m so sorry. You’re mom was an amazing person. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

Cloud tried very hard not to crush his coffee cup between his hands. “Thanks.” He drank more just to avoid talking for a while. 

“Anyway…” He said finally, when he felt like he could. “I just wasn’t ready to go straight to college after that. So I just worked around Nibelheim for a while until my friend pushed me to do more. It took some time, but now I’m here.”

“I’m glad.” Zack smiled. “Was your friend the one who helped you and your mom out?”

“Her and her dad.” Cloud corrected. “Her name is Tifa.”

“Ah,” Zack nodded. “I think you mentioned her once or twice. Said she would visit you and your mom for the holidays.”

“She’s the closest thing to family I’ve got.” Cloud squeezed his cup again. “She’s really what got me through everything. 

Zack reached out to touch his hand. “I’d love to get to meet her sometime. She sounds like a really great person.”

Cloud blinked away the tears that threatened his eyes. “She works at a bar off campus with me. Maybe I can take you sometime.”

Zack smiled, “Sounds great.”

Cloud didn’t know why he was able to do all of this with Zack. He had expected it to be harder, expected that he wouldn’t be able to see Zack the same way, but he could. Maybe it was just Zack’s super power to always find a way under his skin. He’d always been good at being a friend. 

“Since we have the same major, maybe we can study together.” Zack suggested, sounding eager. “Maybe we can even plan our classes together next semester.”

And there Zack went, Cloud smiled wryly. Zack always had a way of dragging him along into a future together. Always included him in all his plans. Cloud never knew why. Maybe he was just like that with everyone. 

“Maybe.” Cloud hedged, unwilling to promise anything. He was still wary. There was still a lot he hadn’t had time to think about yet. 

Zack seemed to pick up on this. He took a long drink of his tea as if to settle himself.

“Cloud… before you moved away… I never got the chance to talk to you again. After… well, after that one night.”

Cloud stilled, dropping his eyes to the table. He didn’t want to talk about this. He wanted to forget.

“I want you to know… I never talked to any of those people again. I know that sounds flimsy since I graduated that year, but I’m serious. I told all of them what dicks they were and that they could fuck off. I never forgave them for what happened.” 

Cloud grit his teeth together.

“It doesn’t matter, Zack.” Cloud said eventually, keeping his eyes down. “They were just stupid high school kids. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Yeah, it is though.” Zack’s voice was pleading. “It was horrible. You didn’t deserve that. I felt awful that I never got to talk to you about it. I tried to call--,”

“My mom went into the hospital that same night.” Cloud supplied. “I don’t think I ever even went home to check the messages. The first time I remember going back home was to pack.” 

Zack nodded, “I understand. Now that we’re here, though, I really want to tell you. It wasn’t okay, and it  _ does  _ matter. You wouldn’t have been there if it hadn’t been for me, and I’m so sorry. You looked amazing, and I wish I could have told you that then.”

Cloud pushed up from the table with a screech of his chair. 

“Bathroom.” He grunted as an explanation and stormed off to the men’s.

Once inside it took everything he had not to let himself cry. He hated this. He hated feeling like this again. Maybe he had been right before… about not wanting to see Zack again. Maybe that would have been better.

It took Cloud a few moments of breathing to calm himself down. He wished he had a better place to do this than a bathroom.

He finally managed to calm himself down a little and went over to the sink to splash water on his face. He wanted to make his eyes look less red before he faced Zack again.

_ It was a long time ago.  _ Cloud told himself slowly, over and over in his head.  _ That’s not who I am anymore. It’s not who I am. _

When Cloud felt steady enough to at least finish his coffee and bail, he unlocked the door and headed back to their table. 

Halfway there, though, he paused. 

There was someone else who had stopped at their table. She wasn’t sitting down, just standing next to Zack and talking. She looked happy and pleasant. 

Cloud’s stomach roiled. 

He recognized her. Zack’s girlfriend… that’s what everyone had called her. Some girl from a city school who Zack didn’t get to see that much. The girlfriend he’d never told Cloud about, who had been at the game that night. 

Cloud forced himself to walk back over.

“Cloud!” Zack said when he saw him, making Cloud jump.

The girl smiled excitedly. “Ah! The famous Cloud! I’m Aerith. It’s nice to finally meet you!”

_ Aerith. So that’s who Zack was talking about earlier.  _ Cloud thought as she extended her hand.  _ I guess they’re still close. Still together even.  _

Then Cloud thought back on what she had just called him.

_ Famous?  _

He had never met this person, and even Zack hadn’t seen him in years. Famous for what? For that night?

That thought left a bad taste in his mouth. 

“I have work.” Cloud lied, his tone brisk and cold. “I have to go.” 

He reached around and grabbed his bag and jacket, leaving his drink on the table as he made a beeline for the door.

He heard Zack get up behind him and call his name, but the door was already swinging closed behind him. 

The roar of his bike drowned out his thoughts as he drove away from campus. He didn’t stop until he was out on an empty road and could push his bike to full speed. The wind moved through him like electricity in his blood, and he tried to forget.

Who had he been kidding? He and Zack couldn’t be friends. They never should have been. He’d just been fooling himself. 

He didn’t belong with someone like Zack, because he would always want it to mean something it didn’t, and he would always hurt himself. 

It was better if he just moved on.

____


	3. Feelings Old and New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud is affected by Zack in the past and the present

“Hey Cloud,” Tifa smiled at him when he arrived at Seventh Heaven. “You’ve been dodging my texts since yesterday. I was worried.” 

“Sorry.” Cloud looked sheepish as he tied on his apron. “Something… happened.”

Tifa’s eyes softened, “Something?”

Cloud could see her mothering side coming out already. Probably wanting to stroke his hair and make him an appointment with the closest therapist. He had yet to find one here, and he wasn’t looking forward to it. His therapist from Nibelhiem had agreed with him that he should be okay if he needed to stop appointments for a while. 

“I’m okay,” He told Tifa quickly before she got too worried. “It’s just… I saw Zack.”

Tifa’s eyes widened a little. 

“Zack…? You mean that guy from your high school?”

Cloud nodded as he washed his hands and then started cutting limes. 

“Oh…” She frowned a little. “You know… it always seemed like he didn’t mean to hurt you, Cloud.”

The knife came down hard against the cutting board.

“I know that.” Cloud snapped a little. “Zack’s fucking  _ perfect.  _ He didn’t do  _ anything _ . It’s just…”  _ It still hurt.  _

Tifa touched his forearm gently. “I highly doubt he’s perfect, Cloud. You didn’t do anything wrong either, it was just… high school.” She squeezed his arm. “But… maybe things are different now. Did you talk to him?”

Cloud looked away from her. “I did.”

“And?”

“That girl showed up,” Cloud could hear the sadness in his own voice. “The one from the game. His girlfriend or whatever.”

“He’s still dating her?” 

“I don’t know but…” Cloud huffed, “It was like I was back in high school again. Doing it all over. I can’t do it, Tifa. I’ve changed. I don’t want to be that kid again.”

“You aren’t.” She insisted, trying to meet his eyes. “Is  _ that _ what’s really bothering you?”

Cloud stopped cutting.

Tifa nodded slowly. “You still like him?”

Cloud scoffed and finished cutting in a few swift motions. “It’s not  _ still.  _ It’s…” He thought about it for a long moment. Thought about how different Zack had actually felt when he had talked to him. How much he had really changed. It was unmistakable. He was older, and it showed. He didn’t have that manic puppy energy anymore. He was solid and warm…

“It’s  _ again _ .” Cloud sighed, shaking his head at himself. “I started to like him,  _ again.” _

Tifa rubbed his shoulders. “You said you didn’t know what was going on with him and that girl. You could ask.”

Cloud frowned.

“Cloud…” 

“It’s too much, Tifa.” He sighed, gathering the cut limes into their bowl. “Too much baggage. I don’t want to go backwards.”

“Cloud… you’re a new person. Maybe he is too. Maybe a new start is okay.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“You should have heard him.” Cloud disagreed in huff, washing his hands again. “He talked all about the past.”

“It’s the first time he’s seen you. There probably wasn’t much else to go on.” Tifa protested. “Give it time.”

“And what happens if he _ is _ dating that girl?” Cloud asked. “It’ll be harder the more time I spend with him, and I just can’t help myself. I always fall for him. I try not to look at him like that, but the feelings just happen.” 

Tifa sighed and reached up to pull her hair back into a ponytail, smoothing it between her fingers. “Well… you won’t know until you try, and _ I _ think it would be okay to just tell him the truth. You said yourself, you don’t want to be a kid. So be an adult. Tell him it’s too complicated to just be friends. So out of respect for his relationship you’re going to back off. I think he would understand.”

Cloud paused as he thought about it.

It would be hard to say it, but maybe Zack  _ would _ understand. Maybe after everything that had happened it would feel good to say it out loud, at least once.

“Will you two stop chit-chatting?” Came a deep, rumbling voice from behind them. “You’re supposed to be here to work. Don’t make me split up your shifts.”

Tifa smiled innocently over her shoulder at Barrett. “We’ll be good.” She promised and hurried off to clean the tables. Cloud turned back to preparing the bar with a duck of his head. 

Barrett grumbled and sauntered off to the back. 

___

  
  
  


**___ 4 YEARS & 5 MONTHS BEFORE -- GONGAGA ___**

  
  


The science project came and went, but to Cloud’s surprise, Zack didn’t

In fact, he seemed sort of relieved when Cloud no longer had the project to hide behind when he was around. He tried constantly to drag Cloud into things even if It didn’t entirely work. Cloud tended to resist Zack's attention anytime other people were involved. He never wanted to go to events, or parties, even sit in the cafeteria. Instead, Zack was forced to see Cloud before or after such things. Finding him in the library after he ate lunch, riding the bus to Cloud’s house after school, or dragging Cloud over to his own home to play video games. 

After a while, Zack didn’t seem bothered by this. He more or less accepted Cloud as a private sort of friend. Like a cat who was standoffish and didn’t come out until Zack was alone. He did, however, complain each time he left about how all of these things would be more fun if Cloud were there. 

Cloud tried to believe him, but deep down he just didn’t. Cloud was not good with people, and he was worse with  _ a lot _ of people. If he were around, even Zack’s vibrance wouldn’t not be able to hide his awkwardness. 

Despite this, Cloud grew used to having Zack as his friend. He adjusted to his talkative nature and easy affection. Learning how to allow Zack’s touch without stiffening and how to join in with Zack’s conversations. They got along well, considering how different the two of them seemed. They actually shared a lot in common.

“Blue.” Zack was saying one night as he lounged on Cloud’s bed with a motorcycle magazine laid out in front of him. “Or… maybe red.”

Cloud wrinkled his nose. “Red? That doesn’t suit you. You’ll look like a douche-bag.”

“Ouch.” Zack chuckled. “What about yours, then?”

“Black?” Cloud rolled his eyes like it was obvious. “Maybe gunmetal gray.”

Zack snorted, “Shiva’s tits, Cloud. Your entire closet and bedroom are black and gray. Maybe you could branch out just a bit.” 

“Fine.” Cloud sighed and thought a bit longer. “Custom paint then. Blue with silver details. Maybe a city-scape painted on it. With stars.”

Zack’s eyes widened. “I would pay a million gil for that.”

Cloud felt a smile tugging on his lips. “You will. My paint jobs are going to be very expensive.”

Zack grinned. “Oh I’m counting on it, my little money maker. I want to retire with a yacht.”

Cloud giggled into his comforter.

“Oh I forgot to show you.” Zack was suddenly poking him very excitedly in the shoulder. “Look!”

Cloud turned his head and Zack pushed his wild hair back to reveal a dark metal stud in his ear. 

“You got your ears pierced?” Cloud asked in surprise and Zack beamed. 

“Yeah! What do you think?”

“It looks good on you.” Cloud blushed as the statement settled with heat into his stomach. “Really good.”

Zack’s smile softened and he bumped Cloud’s shoulder. “I bet they would look good on you too. Probably better.”

Cloud scoffed. “Sure whatever.”

“I’m serious!” 

Cloud smiled and reached down for another magazine. This one happened to be a lifestyle magazine Cloud had forgotten he bought. He blushed.

Zack raised an eyebrow, “I see you over there, Cloud. If you wanted some personal time with your magazine, you could have just asked.”

“It’s not porn!” Cloud smacked him with it.

“No, but when you’re gay magaizines with male models in it are almost as good, and  _ way _ easier to find.” Zack shifted so could look at it with him.

Cloud blinked at him. “So you’re saying that’s how  _ you _ use them?” 

Zack just winked at him.

“Let’s see…” he said as he flipped through it. “Finding your perfect type.” He read when he landed on a quiz. “What sort of body drives you crazy?”

Cloud felt like steam might come out his ears but Zack just laughed. “So shallow.”

Cloud eyed him, “What? You’re saying you don’t have a type? You’re above all of that?”

Zack shrugged. “I like peoples’ bodies but ‘types’ makes it sound so robotic. Insert qualities A, B, and C then presto! That’s it.”

Cloud hummed in agreement. “So you don’t have a type then?” 

“No,” Zack shook his head. “Not like this. Everyone has things they’re weak for, sure, but it’s not as basic as throwing long legs, big eyes, and a small waist at me and I’m a puddle. The whole person is what matters.”

“So what are you weak for then?” Cloud asked, trying to act more detached than he felt. “Those things you just listed?”

Zack ears looked a little pink. “No… I don’t know.” He flipped a few more pages. “I like… pretty eyes. I’m pretty weak to that. I like… cute. You know? Like when someone has cute things about them. A cute face, a cute laugh, a cute smile. Freckles are cute...”

Cloud tried to hide his blushing cheeks behind another magazine. Was he any of those things? He had freckles… his mother had always told him he had beautiful eyes.

“What about you?” Zack asked, his tone lacking the teasing Cloud expected.

Cloud chewed on his lip. 

“I think you’re right about it being more than how someone looks,” he said softly, resting his chin on the bed as he laid on his stomach. “I like people for how they make me feel.”

Zack was quiet for a long moment. 

“And how do you want them to make you feel?”

Cloud shrugged his shoulders nervously. “Good about myself? Like I matter, I guess. Like they believe in me and I’m good enough. That I’m worth something.” 

Everything Zack made him feel.

Zack made a soft sound Cloud couldn’t quite make out before saying, “Cloud…”

Just then a song blared from somewhere and Zack jumped in shock. 

“Fuck,” He hissed, hunting around for his phone in his pocket and answering it. “Hello?”

Cloud pressed his face into the bed.

“Mom? I’m at Cloud’s. Oh, that late? I’m sorry. Could I maybe sleep over?”

A long pause. 

“Oh… yeah I know it’s just…” Zack listened for a moment and pressed his hand against his forehead. “No, no. I get it. Yeah. She’s already on her way? Okay. I’ll meet her outside. Yeah. Love you. See you soon.” Zack hung up and sighed. “My cousin is almost here. I’m supposed to go outside and meet her.”

Cloud looked back at him. “Oh.”

Zack gave him a crooked smile. “You look disappointed.”

Cloud rolled his eyes. “Should I look relieved?”

“You kind of used to.” Zack admitted. “Eager to get back to your solitude I bet,” he reached out to ruffle Cloud’s hair, stroking his fingers through it. “I’ll leave you to your magazine now, huh Spike?”

Cloud startled and then kicked Zack in the hip. “Shut up!”

Zack laughed heartily before jumping up and pulling on his shoes and coat. He waved and dropped a wink before springing out of the room.

“Goodnight Cloud!”

“Night Zack!” Cloud shouted after him, but all the while his stomach was doing summersaults. 

___


	4. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Zack both have dreams.

**____ PRESENT DAY -- SHINRA UNIVERSITY___**

  
  


The next time Cloud went to Professor Hewley’s class he was tense. He had promised himself he would try, but that didn’t make him any less keyed up as he approached the looming building. 

What he hadn’t expected was to be greeted before he even got inside.

“Cloud,” Zack was sitting on a bench outside, and he jumped up the moment the blonde appeared.

Cloud turned around, his surprise showing on his face. 

“Oh, hey.” Cloud greeted when Zack reached him. “Aren’t you supposed to help set up class?” 

Zack made a face. “I wanted to talk to you. I would have called, but you never gave me your number.”

“Right,” Cloud shuffled awkwardly before pulling out his phone. 

Zack took it and fussed with it a moment before handing it back. He had saved himself into Cloud’s contacts, as well as texting himself with Cloud’s number. 

“So what did you want to talk about?” Cloud asked, stuffing his phone back in his pocket. Zack frowned at him.

“You seemed upset when you left the other day.” Zack accused him, “Aerith said the same thing.”

Cloud’s shoulders tensed a little. “How would Aerith know?”

“Because it was that obvious?” Zack gave him a look. “Was Aerith what upset you? You barely even met her.”

Cloud huffed out an irritated breath. “No. I’m sorry. That day was just more than I expected. I probably shouldn’t have tried to talk about my mom and all of that so soon. It was just a lot to think about.”

Zack’s expression softened. “Yeah, I get that. It’s just… can we try again, then? I really want to get to know you, Cloud. We were so close once, and I’ve missed that. Really.”

Cloud eyed him up and down, affected by Zack’s sincerity more than he liked to be. He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. “I’ve missed it too…” 

Cloud then noticed that Zack was staring at him distractedly and frowned. “What?”

Zack blinked. “Your ears are pierced…”

Cloud froze. 

Apparently Zack hadn’t seen him closely that night back in high school. Or else he just didn’t notice back then. Either way…

“Yeah,” Cloud agreed. “I guess you rubbed off on me.”

Zack reached up to touch his own still pierced ears. 

“I was right,” He said with a gentle smile. “They look better on you.”

Cloud clicked his tongue. “They’re just silver studs. Most people don’t even notice them.”

Zack chuckled. “You always say stuff like that. I don’t think you're as invisible as you’d like to think.” 

Cloud eyed him a little sharply. 

“I don’t need people’s attention.” Cloud said, shrugging his bag farther up his shoulder. “Why don’t we finish this after class, yeah?” he turned and finished his walk into the building, hearing it when Zack moved to chase after him.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Zack grumbled, sounding irritated. “It’s like you keep getting angry with me, out of nowhere.”

“Maybe it wouldn’t be out of nowhere if you paid more attention.” Cloud snapped as he shoved the door aside and then let it fall behind him, not caring if it smacked Zack in the face. 

He didn’t let the conversation pick up again after that. He found a seat in the back of the room and opened his laptop, keeping his eyes on the screen every chance that he had. 

____

  
  
  


By the end of class Cloud’s guilt had caught up to him. Enough so that he hovered by the door again and waited for Zack to come out. 

When the tall, broad-shouldered man  _ did _ find him, he paused to look surprised. Cloud looked back at him with sheepish eyes.

“I’m sorry…” Cloud murmured, ducking his head. “I was harsh.”

Zack let out a sigh and chuckled. 

“You’ve just got an angrier core than I remember, but I don’t mind. If you're upset I’d rather you tell me.”

Cloud shrugged noncommittally. “If you still want to hang out…” He offered carefully, “I want to get to know you again too.”

Zack smiled. “Well, I have a lot of work piled up, but since we’re the same major maybe we can study together.” his puppy-like excitement was visible in his eyes. Cloud thought about how he hadn’t seen it so clearly since high school. He almost smiled. 

“I don’t have my books. But they’re back in my dorm if you don’t mind going there.” 

“We can just study there.” Zack suggested. “Maybe it will be more comfortable for you.”

Cloud conceded to that and motioned with his head, “Why not? I didn’t ride Fenrir today. So we’ll have to walk.”

“A shame.” Zack teased with exaggerated melodrama. “We can always ride more later, though.”

Cloud clicked his tongue. “Yeah, we’ll see. Don’t get cocky.”

___

  
  


Studying went surprisingly well. Cloud’s dorm was a single, which resulted in it being uncomfortably small. Cloud’s bed took up most of the space, his clothes had a hole the wall for a closet, and the bathroom was communal across the hall. Still, to Cloud, it was far better than having a roommate. 

“You should come share my apartment with me.” Zack pointed out after the third time he accidentally elbowed a wall. “I’ve been wanting to split the rent anyway and it’s got way more room than this.”

Cloud sighed. “I’m stuck here until at least the end of the semester.”  _ and living with my high school crush is probably more torment than this is.  _

“Next semester then.” Zack agreed like it had been decided on. “It’ll be fun to be roommates! It’ll be like when we used to have sleepovers.”

_ Not being able to sleep because my heart wouldn’t stop pounding and waking up early to hide in the bathroom before you saw my reaction to watching you sleep. Yep, sounds about right.  _

Cloud smiled placatingly and turned back to his books. “Sounds great.”

They had been studying for a few hours when the storm hit. It had been lightly drizzling on their walk, but nothing like the deluge that started once they were inside. Cloud could barely even see out his window.

“You can’t walk home in that.” Cloud pointed out. “And I can’t drive you on my bike.” He was  _ so _ glad he had used covered parking. “Do you want to just stay here?”

Cloud was not thrilled with the idea-- for the same reasons being roommates made his stomach flip-- but he was not so heartless he wouldn’t offer. It didn’t look safe to go anywhere.

“Sure.” Zack agreed easily, “Maybe now we’ll have time to do something other than studying.”

A giggle worked its way out of Cloud’s throat. “That bored, huh?” he asked from his spot next to Zack on the bed. 

Zack groaned. “Not with you. Just the homework.”

Cloud laughed. “You’re going to love college.” 

Zack snatched him up and noogied his head, making Cloud laugh harder.

They worked for another hour before Zack got bored again. He leaned back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. 

“Hey Spike?”

“Hmmm?” Cloud asked distractedly, still highlighting some notes. 

“What did you mean before? About not paying attention?”

Cloud paused. “Zack, I said I was sorry.”

“That’s not what I asked though,” He sat up to look at Cloud more directly. “I keep going over it and over it. All I can think is that you get mad when I compliment you, but I don’t understand how that could be what you meant.”

Cloud thought about it too. Complimenting him? Was that what had pissed him off?

_ “... You looked amazing.” _

_ “...You’re not as invisible as you think you are.” _

Oh. Cloud supposed there was some truth to that conclusion, but it missed the point. 

“It’s fine, Zack. I don’t care if you compliment me.” Cloud said, trying to brush him off.

Zack frowned, “But if there’s something I’m doing wrong, why won’t you just tell me?”

Cloud sighed heavily. “You wouldn’t get it anyway. I’m sure they  _ did _ seem like compliments to you. It’s fine.”

Zack’s expression shaded and turned serious. “Will you stop doing that?”

Cloud looked back at him in surprise.

“Doing what?” He demanded. “Letting it go?”

“No.” Zack scoffed. “Judging me.”

Cloud’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline.  _ “What?”  _

Zack frowned deeper, “You think I didn’t notice? Back in high school? The way you always prejudged things about me?”

Cloud blinked in confusion and Zack shook his head. 

“You always used to say stuff like that. Like ‘you wouldn’t get it’ or ‘I’m not like you’.” Zack raised a challenging eyebrow. “What’s so different about us Cloud? We’re nearly the same age, we have most of the same interests, we grew up in the same town, went to the same school, had similar grades… in what way are you not like me?”

“Are you kidding?” Cloud stared in disbelief. “You’re Zack fucking Fair!”

Zack looked hurt as soon as the words were out and Cloud was stunned. He didn’t think he had said anything Zack didn’t already know. 

“And what does that mean?” Zack asked, his voice softer than before. “Who is ‘Zack fucking Fair’ to you?”

Cloud’s eyes were frozen wide.

“Come on,” he pleaded, “You have to know. Everyone in school always loved you, you were the most popular kid ever, you were good at everything. Your life was perfect.”

Zack nodded slowly as if this description didn’t surprise him at all, but he looked more unhappy than ever. 

“And you know that because…?” Zack raised an eyebrow. “Because you ever hung out with me around the rest of the school? Because we switched bodies and you know exactly what my life is like? Or let me guess…” Zack pointed like it was a game show. “Because you heard that sort of gossip all over school?”

Cloud shrunk away from him. “What are you trying to say?”

“That you have no idea what you’re talking about.” Zack snapped back. “And that I thought you were different. You were one of the only friends I had back then that wasn’t interested in all the gossip, and come to find out, it’s because you just judged me for it instead.”

Cloud frowned. “It wasn’t all gossip, Zack. You were always fucking perfect.”

Zack growled. “Nobody is perfect, Cloud! Imagine living up to that. I just wanted friends, but people resented me, or else acted like my fan club. They wanted me to throw wild parties, and hook up with college girls, and do all sorts of other stupid shit. Not because any of that was me, it was just their own fantasies.” He slumped back against the wall. “I just wanted real friends. Like you.”

Cloud's expression was confused but his heart was tugging toward Zack’s sad expression. “I was your friend… I never thought you were any of those things.

Zack looked over at him with just his eyes. “But you thought we weren’t the same. You put me in a whole separate category than you.”

Cloud made a face, “Well yeah, but I did that with everyone.”

Zack looked confused now too, “Why?”

Cloud shrugged, “Because that’s what it felt like to me.”

“Not to me.” Zack looked down. “You were the person I felt closest to. Like we were cut from the same stuff. When I was with you it was like I was totally myself. Just me. Nobody else’s expectations mattered.”

“They didn’t matter.” Cloud insisted. “I never wanted you to be something else. I just thought you were better than me.”

Zack frowned at him. “No one is better than you, Cloud. No one should ever make you feel that way.”

“Well they did.” Cloud shook his head. “But it was high school. It’s stupid. It’s over. Why does it even matter now?”

Zack looked into his eyes. “Because I want to start over with you. I want a second chance. But I think you’re still angry at me. For being Zack Fair, for letting you down, for who you thought I was back then.”

Cloud pouted a little. “That’s not true.”

“Then what is it?” Zack sat up. “Even in highschool it was easier to talk to you than it is now. I feel like I’m saying the wrong things, and setting you off.”

Cloud looked away. “I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m mad. Maybe it’s just been a rough few years, and I’m bad at the friend thing…” _ and I hate that I’m still in love with you. _

Zack reached up to gently pet his hair and Cloud wanted to flinch away but he didn’t. He didn’t want to hurt Zack’s feelings again.

“I know it’s not fair to expect us to just be back at 4 years ago. I just… really miss you.”

Cloud eyes stung but he forced the feeling back. He slouched until his head hit Zack’s shoulder. 

“I’m tired.” He mumbled. “I don’t want to study anymore.”

“Me either.” Zack agreed with a small smile. “You mind if I sleep next to you?”

_ Yes.  _ “Go ahead.” 

Cloud got up and found pajama pants. He didn’t feel like going to the bathroom across the hall so he just shucked off his jeans while facing away from Zack and pulled them on. Then he shrugged off his shirt and climbed into bed. Zack was a heater, Cloud still remembered that from highschool. No way was he sleeping in more clothes than he had to. 

Zack followed suit, dumping all of his clothes-- except his boxers-- onto the floor and then kicking his way under the covers next to Cloud. 

Cloud felt himself blush before rolling his back toward him to hide his face.

“Goodnight, Zack.”

“Goodnight, Spike.”

___

  
  


_ Fingers brushed through Cloud’s hair, and he opened his eyes. He looked up to see Zack leaning over him. His hair was wild with sleep and his eyes were a deep blue in the darkness.  _

_ Cloud could see so much of him. His bare torso curved over Cloud’s, their bare legs knotted together. _

_ “Zack,” he whispered. “What are you doing?” _

_ “What I should have done in high school.” Zack rumbled from deep in his chest. His body moved against Cloud’s and the blonde felt their stomachs slide together, making him gasp. _

_ “Zack!” Cloud’s voice broke on his name when the raven’s lips landed on Cloud’s neck and kissed upward under his jaw. “Please…” _

_ “Please what?” Zack asked into his skin. Cloud squirmed underneath him. _

_ His cock was aching, but for some reason Zack wasn’t touching him there. Just kissing over his body and his hands stroking and rubbing along his hips and stomach and thighs.  _

_ Cloud groaned. His body was burning, desperately wanting more. He clung to Zack, trying to wrap himself around him. _

_ “Touch me, kiss me.” _

_ Zack chuckled, “I am, Spike.”  _

_ Cloud whined. It wasn’t enough, he needed more. It was like none of the touches were solid enough. Like… none of them were real. _

Cloud opened his eyes. He didn’t need to look to know how hard he was. He could hear Zack breathing beside him, almost snoring but not quite. He sighed. 

Fuck. His. Life.

He quietly crept out of bed, trying not to let it shift underneath him as he moved to the edge. 

Zack was awake in an instant.

“Cloud?”

_ Dammit  _ Cloud scolded himself.  _ Military instincts. Right. _

“Just going to the bathroom.” Cloud promised. “I’ll be right back.”

He walked across the hall and hid in a toilet stall. No one was there this late. It wasn’t party time anymore, it was time to be passed out asleep or drunk. 

It didn’t take long. Cloud’s dream lingered in his mind and his body smelled like Zack from sleeping beside him. It took barely a few strokes around his cock and the image of Zack in his mind, the thought of him saying his name in his rough sleepy voice… then he was finished. 

Cloud sighed and cleaned himself up.

This was the problem, and it always would be. Cloud didn’t know if he could keep being at Zack’s side pretending this doesn’t matter. Like it didn’t happen.

He wanted Zack. He wanted more of him. Any less… and it just hurt.

Cloud swallowed against a tight throat. 

Why did it have to be like this? Why did he have to love his best friend? Why couldn’t he just be what Zack wanted?

Cloud took a few shuddering, shaky breaths.

He cleaned himself up and went out to wash his hands. 

His eyes were a little red when he saw them in the mirror. He hoped that would go away soon. 

When Cloud walked back into his dorm Zack was sitting up in bed, staring out the window as Cloud closed the door behind himself.

“Zack?”

He turned to look at him.

He looked drawn, more tired than when he went to sleep, and sad.

Cloud’s eyes widened. “What happened?”

Zack’s lip tugged up at the corner, but it was meager. “It’s… the dreams.”

_ Oh… of course. _

Cloud softened, and all other thoughts went out of his head. He padded across the room and climbed back into bed, his hand coming to rest on Zack’s shoulder.

“What can I--,” He started to ask. Then Zack was turning and his arms went around him, holding Cloud against his body. Cloud’s breathing stopped and he held very still. 

Zack stroked a hand against the back of his hair. 

“I feel better, seeing you.” Zack admitted. “You make me feel like myself again.”

Cloud wrapped his arms around him too, swallowing back the emotion that hit him at those words. Maybe he really mattered to Zack… enough that it wasn’t just Cloud who would hurt if he tried to push Zack away. So then what did that leave him with?

_ Maybe I should tell you the truth, and let you decide.  _ Cloud thought to himself.  _ At least then, you’ll know why. _

For tonight, though, Cloud was willing just to  _ be _ there. Laying back down and holding Zack until they were both able to fall into an uneasy sleep. 

___


	5. Brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud wants to be brave.

**___ 4 YEARS & 4 MONTHS BEFORE -- GONGAGA ___**

  
  


**ZACK: I’m so bored.**

Cloud read the message off his phone and chuckled.

**CLOUD: Cry baby**

**ZACK: Come save me.**

**CLOUD: You can’t afford me.**

**ZACK: I’ll sell a kidney.**

Cloud laughed out loud. 

**CLOUD: You love your grandparents.**

**ZACK: They went to bed 3 HOURS AGO.**

**CLOUD: Throw a kegger.**

**ZACK: NOT HELPING**

Cloud softened.    
  


**CLOUD: What would help?**

**ZACK: You being here.**

Cloud felt a blush rush down his neck. 

**CLOUD: Pretend I’m there.**

**ZACK: That sounds dirty.**

Cloud’s breathing hitched.

**CLOUD: No that’s your mind that’s dirty.**

**ZACK: Okay, okay. What are you doing right now?**

Cloud looked down at the magazine in his lap. He had started to subscribe to the one that Zack had teased him about before. He liked looking at the quizzes and advice. 

**CLOUD: Reading a magazine.**

**ZACK: Dirty.**

**CLOUD: Will you stop?**

**ZACK: Sorry sorry. Any hot guys in it?**

Cloud laughed.

**CLOUD: Tons.**

**ZACK: It’s nice… being able to talk to you about this. Not many people to talk to about being gay or bi around here.**

**CLOUD: You can’t tell anyone about me…**

**ZACK: I know Cloud. I wouldn’t.**

Cloud smiled softly.

**CLOUD: Sometimes I wish I could be more like the guys in here. Wearing some of this stuff… having that kind of confidence. I could never handle that kind of attention though.**

**ZACK: You’re hotter than any of them.**

**CLOUD: (ᗒᗜᗕ) good joke**

**ZACK: I’m starting to see what you mean about confidence.**

Cloud rolled his eyes and then looked back down at his magazine.

“Cloud!”

He looked up when his mom called and ran out to the kitchen to see what she needed. 

“Yeah mom?”

She came out of the laundry room holding up one of Zack’s jerseys.

“When did I start doing Zack’s laundry?” 

Cloud smiled apologetically. “He must have left it and I shoved it in with my stuff.”

She folded it up. “Well it’s clean. Make sure to give it back to him.”

Cloud took it. “Thanks mom.” He took it back to his room. He was about to shove it in his bag before he paused, feeling it with his hands. 

Cloud blushed, bringing it closer. 

It mostly smelled like soap and clean clothes now, but there was something that lingered in it that reminded him of Zack and it made him smile.

Cloud tucked it into his bag and flopped back on his bed. He went back to flipping through his magazine. 

His phone beeped.

**ZACK: don’t leave me alone!!!**

**ZACK: I’m dying**

**ZACK: I’ll be back before school Monday but I’m gonna be slammed with end-of-the-year stuff for student council. Not to mention Rugby practice. Our last game is Friday.**

**ZACK: Will you come?? I know you hate that stuff, but it’s the last one before I graduate.**

**ZACK: Please?**

Cloud stared down his phone. 

Zack would be graduating in only a month… Cloud wondered if he would see him much after that. If he would even see him at all.

His chest felt heavy and cold.

He wished somehow he could tell him before he left… about how he made him feel. He wished he were brave enough. 

_ You’re hotter than any of them. _

Cloud glanced over his shoulder at his backpack where it lay on the floor with Zack’s jersey inside.

Maybe he could be brave enough just once. 

**CLOUD: I’ll come to your game. I promise.**

**ZACK: SERIOUSLY????**

**ZACK: ✧٩(ˊωˋ*)و✧**

**ZACK: I guess we better win then. I can’t disappoint you!**

Cloud blushed and his entire stomach felt warm.

**CLOUD: I’ll be rooting for you then.**

**ZACK: ﾟ+｡:.ﾟヽ(*´∀`)ﾉﾟ.:｡+ﾟ**

___

**____ PRESENT DAY -- SHINRA UNIVERSITY___**

  
  


The rest of the week Cloud was in a fog. Whenever Zack texted him he made up reasons he couldn’t see him. Work shifts, meeting teachers, anything that would sound believable.

Some of it wasn’t a lie. He spent every second he could at work just so he would have a distraction, and even Tifa was getting suspicious. Cloud was hardworking, but never quite to this degree.

However, Cloud’s distractions couldn’t last for long. Eventually Hewley’s class rolled around again. Cloud knew that he should go and face Zack. He knew he had decided to tell him the truth, and he should really just get it over with. Still… when the moment came around and Cloud was supposed to head to class… he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“Really?” Tifa asked when she showed up for her work shift and found Cloud already drinking at the bar. “Isn’t it a bit early for a weekday binge? You’ve never been much of a drinker.”

Cloud stared down at his glass. 

Tifa’s eyebrows pulled together. “Cloud? What’s wrong?” She leaned forward on the counter, trying to see his face. “Did something happen?”

Cloud sighed and pushed his hair back from his face with one hand. 

“It’s Zack…”

Tifa raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to kick his ass?”

“He was in the military.”

“You’re point?”

Cloud smiled a little.

“He didn’t really do anything,” he clarified with a sigh. “I just… realized I can’t do high school with him all over again.”

Tifa nodded, “Okay…”

Cloud swallowed the rest of his drink. “So I decided to tell him the truth, but... “ He frowned, emotion swimming in his eyes. “I’m scared.”

Tifa reached out to cover his hand with hers. 

“You realize that’s perfectly reasonable right? You haven’t liked many people, and Zack isn’t just any person. You two were close and you already lost him once. It’s normal that you’re scared to lose him again.”

“What do I  _ do _ though?” Cloud looked at her desperately. “How do I do this when my stomach feels sick every time I think about it? I’ve never felt like such a coward.”

Tifa smiled and poked him on the nose. “You’re not a coward. You just care. Cloud, you have always been someone who will fight for the people you care about. Your mom knew that better than anyone.” Cloud almost flinched at the mention of her. “Right now those instincts might be working against you a little, because you’re selfless enough to keep pretending for Zack’s sake, but you know what?” She tilted her head. “The worst thing he could say is that he doesn’t feel the same, but if you never tell him the truth you’ll never be with him anyway. The worst case scenario is basically where you are right now, so it’s at least better to try.”

Cloud sighed, “What if he’s dating that girl?”

“Then he should tell you that, and it’s still better that he knows. That way he won’t keep expecting you to meet her and hang out with the two of them.”

Cloud nods. If he doesn’t tell Zack… then everyday he’ll just pine after him. If he pushes him away… it would be just as bad as being rejected. If he can just tell the truth… at least they’ll be moving forward one way or another.

“One more piece of advice?” Tifa chimed in, taking his empty glass. “Don’t tell him when you’ve been drinking. It cheapens it.”

Cloud gave her a rueful look. “Guess I better go sleep it off then?”

“Good.” She smiled again. “Get some rest, and good luck. You deserve to be happy, Cloud. Really. I know you’re brave enough for this.”

Cloud blushed and nodded as he stood up. 

_ Brave… _

He wasn’t that drunk, he realized as he walked back to his dorm, but Tifa was still right. It wasn’t the right time to tell Zack yet. He could tell him tomorrow, once he got some rest.

His phone buzzed and he looked at it. 

There were a few texts from Zack, all about how Cloud wasn’t in class. He seemed worried about him, which was fair. Cloud had been acting weird for almost a week now. 

Cloud sent back something about not feeling well but that he would check in with Zack tomorrow. Then he shoved his phone back in his pocket. 

When Cloud got to his dorm his first instinct was to lay down and go to sleep, but there was one thought that had crossed his mind that he couldn’t quite shake. So he went to his closet and started shuffling through the last of his boxes that he hadn’t unpacked yet. 

One of the boxes was old and hadn’t been opened in a long time. It was full of pictures and old memories, things from before his mom went into the hospital that he just hadn’t had the strength to look at in years. He still didn’t, not entirely, but he did open it in search of one thing.

The fabric was easy to recognize when Cloud’s hand brushed it and he pulled it out, shutting up the box again before going back to his bed and laying the thing out in front of him on his lap. 

Deep blue with the number 09 stitched all over it, and the name Fair emblazoned on the back below the neckline. 

Zack’s jersey from highschool. One of them at least. The one Cloud had worn that night. 

Cloud sighed, holding up the fabric. It was smaller to him now, ironically it would almost fit him. It used to drown him back then. It was weird to think he was now closer to the size that Zack was in high school. 

Cloud sighed, kicking off his shoes and rolling onto his bed. He hugged the jersey against his chest.

He had tried once before to be brave for Zack… but this time was different. This time he was going to tell him. No flashiness, no other people, just Zack. Once he’d done that, he could live with whatever happened. Just like he’d lived through it before. 

He was stronger than he was then, and he wasn’t going to let anything stop him. Zack needed to know, at least once. He needed to hear that Cloud loved him. Then, whatever happened, at least Cloud could let go of his regrets. 

___


	6. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGST WARNING
> 
> Cloud's past is finally made clear.

**___ 4 YEARS & 4 MONTHS BEFORE -- GONGAGA ___**

  
  
  


Cloud stared at himself in the mirror. Zack’s jersey was so big on him. He felt kind of childlike in the way it dwarfed him, and he felt doubt twist deep in his stomach. 

Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

_ No.  _ Cloud sighed, shaking himself out of his thoughts. He had made a decision. He’d promised. Before Zack graduated… he had to.

Cloud fussed with the extra fabric, trying to find a way to restrain some of it. In the end he folded it upward and twisted it into a knot. Then he stared at himself again.

His jeans were fitted and low on his hips. The skin of his waist was teased beneath the shortened jersey. Cloud considered that this might be embarrassing or maybe even a little girly, but he forced himself not to change it. He wanted Zack to want him. 

Cloud turned his head, the light glinting off of his other surprise. He was lucky Zack had been so busy this week or he wouldn’t have been able to hide them for so long. His earrings. Silver studs, brighter and shinier than Zack’s but otherwise identical. Zack had said they would look good on him… 

He took a deep breath and went to go get his shoes. He had a game to get to.

**ZACK: Can’t wait to see you!! Thanks for agreeing to come to the game tonight.**

He had sent that message a while ago but Cloud looked at it again, trying to draw strength from it. Zack liked him… at least enough for this to be okay. Cloud tried to reassure himself. Zack cared about him… 

He shoved his phone and keys into his pockets and headed out before he changed his mind. 

___

  
  


When Cloud arrived at the game it was far from started, but the field was already packed. Partly because their team was actually really good, but also because the entire thing had turned into a sort of party this close to the end of the year. 

This was exactly the sort of event Cloud would normally avoid, but he wasn’t here for himself and he tried to remember that. He was here for Zack.

No one seemed to have noticed him so far, which he was grateful for. In spite of his conviction to be brave, he was not super eager to be seen with his heart so completely in the open. Especially not before he’d even had a chance to talk to Zack about it. 

Cloud wondered if doing so before the game would even be possible…but as luck would have it, he got his answer. 

Zack was on the field talking with the team, but it didn’t seem like they were still practicing or anything. Cloud could probably call him over for a least a minute… just long enough…

“Zack!” 

Cloud turned as if his own name had been called.

A girl, brunette hair twisted into a braid, ran to the edge of the field and waved her hand over her head. Zack looked over from where he stood and smiled a disarmingly sunny smile. Soon he was jogging over to her. 

Cloud watched in confusion. He didn’t remember this girl from school but maybe she was another senior like Zack. Or maybe she and Zack were related. 

Cloud was just about to go over anyway-- not wanting to interrupt but not wanting to wait and miss the opportunity either-- when he overheard someone talking near him who was watching the same thing.

“Who is that girl?” A classmate Cloud vaguely remembered from school was asking her friend.

“Oh, seriously?! Ugh… I can’t believe they're still together! Now I have no chance with Zack before he graduates!” Said the friend in a whine.

“Together? Her and Zack? I don’t even recognize her.”

“She and Zack both went to my middle school. They started dating back then, but she ended up going to high school in the city. I had hoped that would mean Zack would dump her, but nope. He used to gush about her constantly to everyone. Guess some true loves do meet young.”

Cloud’s entire body felt numb.

_ What… _

Cloud had never seen this girl before, and Zack had never mentioned having a girlfriend. He would almost think this was all some crazy misunderstanding except…

The way Zack looked at this girl was undeniably loving. There was a warmth and comfort between them that was obvious from a glance. The way they smiled at each other, the easy body language that spoke of familiarity, the way they seemed to be laughing and joking… It all just hit Cloud in the gut. 

They were close, they had to be. Zack was flirty with everyone; but it was clear that what was going on between them was different. It wasn’t flirting, because it wasn’t an enticement. The bond was already there, clear and strong.

Cloud felt suddenly like he was standing outside during a blizzard. He felt cold and exposed even in the May warmth. His chest and throat hurt; a hot, tight pain. He wanted to cry, he wanted to never have been here in the first place, he wanted to never have even felt this way.

He was almost ready to just turn around and run, pretend like none of this had ever happened, but life was not so kind. Just as he was about to leave Zack glanced his way. It was almost like he was looking for something, and he immediately found Cloud.

His eyes widened in surprise.

“Cloud!”

Zack hadn’t intended to get anyone else’s attention with the call, but since all eyes seemed to follow Zack it was impossible to miss.

Eyes turned on Cloud, more than he could have expected or could count, as everyone who had been watching Zack turned to see him instead.

Then someone asked, “Isn’t that Zack’s jersey?”

“Oh my gods,” someone said next. “Why is he wearing it like that?”

“Holy shit, he’s such a f--,”

“Shhh.” Someone hissed. “Oh my gods, you can’t say that word.”

“But come on! Look at him!”

“I mean, he pulls off the girl-look doesn’t he? Like a twelve year-old girl. Poor Zack. Bet he didn’t realize a tween girl had a crush on him.”

“And is trying to be sexy about it! Gross. What that fuck? Who would be into  _ that _ ?”

Cloud’s throat felt like it was on fire, and his eyes were starting to ache from holding it back. He couldn’t do this… he couldn’t be here…

A confused look had crossed Zack’s face. Over on the field he was too far away to hear, but he must have seen something was happening and could probably tell from looking how many people were laughing. 

Zack jumped the edge of the field and started running over, but somehow that made it even worse. Cloud already felt humiliated and crushed. Zack seeing it… would shatter him. 

Cloud could see it when Zack was close enough to tell what was going on. His expression changed, understanding flickering across it and his lips parting like he was going to speak again. That was all it took for Cloud to turn and run.

“Cloud!” Zack shouted at the top of his lungs. “CLOUD!”

Cloud didn’t stop. Between the crowd and the head start he had, he was able to lose Zack behind him long enough to jump in his mom’s car and pull out of the parking lot with a screech.

The highschool disappeared behind him, but Cloud couldn’t even look in the rearview mirror. It was all he could do to blink his tears away long enough to be able to drive. 

___

  
  
  


When Cloud got home he was still crying, and while he considered just sitting in the car until it stopped, he decided he didn’t want to be alone. 

He went inside, planning on telling his mom about what happened and letting her comfort him. He didn’t think it would help much, but at least he wouldn’t feel so completely by himself. 

When Cloud got inside the house was weirdly quiet. A light was on in the kitchen and a strange sound like someone struggling was coming from inside.

Cloud felt his tears dry up in a burst of fear and nerves as he rounded the corner. 

“Mom?”

“Cloud…?” His mother was on the floor, trying to drag herself up with a hand on the counter but not succeeding. Her legs seemed to lack any strength. 

“Shit,” Cloud moved in an instant, coming to his mother’s side and wrapping his arms around her. “Mom, I’m gonna get you to the car. We need to go to the ER.”

“Cloud…” She sounded tired, and not all there.

Cloud cursed violently in his own head so his mother wouldn’t hear it.

“Hold onto me, okay? No no, not the counter, just me. Okay? Okay, I’m going to lift you. Hold on, stay close to me.” Cloud hoisted her up into his arms and started hurrying to the car.

___

  
  
  


Cloud didn’t even know how long it had been. They had left him in a waiting room, ugly navy chairs in every direction. He was staring downward, his shoes looked dirty against the white floors.

“Cloud?”

He looked up. 

He had called Tifa, he remembered, though he wasn’t sure how long ago. Now she was here with her father beside her. 

“How is she?”

Cloud blinked. 

“I uhhh… I don’t know.” Tears filled Cloud’s eyes. “They… t-they said…” he trailed off, thinking.

“It’s okay.” Tifa’s father squeezed his shoulder. “Give me a moment. Tifa? Will you stay with Cloud?”

Tifa nodded.

She sat down beside him as her father walked away, and her hand rested gently against his back. She rubbed his shoulders. 

“I”m right here, Cloud. I won’t go anywhere, okay?”

Cloud nodded. 

Tifa’s fingers traced over the stitching on his back, “What…? Fair?” She asked.

Cloud stiffened. 

“I didn’t even know you liked sports.” Tifa admitted gently. “Who is Fair?”

That’s when the dam broke.

“Cloud…” Tifa pulled him into her shoulder while his body wracked with sobs, shaking over and over as tears streamed down his face. “I’m so sorry… but we’re going to help you and your mom. We’re going to be here. It’s going to be okay. We won’t leave you for a second.”

Cloud kept crying, holding so tight to Tifa he felt like it might have hurt her, but unable to pull back. 

He didn’t let go or stop crying for a long, long time.

___


	7. Then and Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Zack talk.

**____ PRESENT DAY -- SHINRA UNIVERSITY___**

  
  


Cloud woke to the sound of his phone ringing and groaned. 

His dorm was dusky, almost no light fell through the window except for a lavender tint. He’d apparently been asleep for a while.

Cloud fumbled for his phone where he’d left it on the table beside him and answered the call without looking. 

“Hello?”

“Spike?”

Cloud opened his eyes.

“Zack?”

“Wow… you really sound out of it. I was worried. I know you said we would talk tomorrow, but I thought if you were sick I could bring you food or something.”

_ Sick?  _ Cloud thought. Was that the excuse he had used? He forgot.

“Can you come over in about an hour?” Cloud interrupted Zack’s ramblings. 

“Sure. What did you want me to bring you?”

“I just want to talk to you.”

“Oh…” Zack seemed to be waffling between flattered and apprehensive. “Alright. I’ll see you soon.”

“See you.” Cloud hung up the phone.

Even just hearing Zack’s voice then… he missed him, and he was tired of missing him. So it was time.

Cloud got up, sighing as he plugged in his phone and stretched the stiffness out of his shoulders.

He smelled like a bar so he grabbed his bag and towel to shower, hoping the water would also help wake him up. 

He felt mostly sober now, but still groggy. He wished he had asked for some coffee.

Once he was showered and dressed in clean jeans and t-shirt, he did feel better. He was even lucky enough to have a cold coffee stashed in the mini-fridge under his bedside table. 

The caffeine helped. His mind felt sharper and his hair was already drying, even as it continued its tradition of spiking wildly in every direction. 

When Cloud heard the tentative knock on his dorm room door he took a deep breath.

_ You can do this. It’s just you. No distractions. _

Cloud stood up and answered the door.

___

  
  


Zack didn’t know what he expected to see when Cloud opened the door. Maybe pajamas, or a robe, or a bright red nose. He was surprised instead to be greeted by a fully dressed Cloud who looked like he’d recently gotten out of the shower. 

“Hey,” Zack greeted, a smile pulling at his lips. It always did when he saw Cloud. “Are you feeling better? You don’t look bad.”

Cloud wrinkled his freckled nose in a slightly guilty expression, looking away from him. 

“I had just woken up when you called. Before that I was mostly just drunk.”

“Drunk?” Zack repeated, entering the room when Cloud stepped aside to let him. 

He hadn’t realized Cloud drank much. Certainly not in the middle of a school day. “Did something happen?”

Cloud sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Kind of.”

Zack was about to ask him what that meant, but when Cloud moved to close the door behind him Zack’s eyes fell on something scrunched up on Cloud’s bed. 

He might not have recognized it if the sight hadn’t become familiar to him after four years on the highschool rugby team. Not to mention his name was stitched into the back. 

His jersey. The one Cloud had worn to his game back in high school. It was here. Cloud still had it, even after so long. He had left on his bed like he’d been holding it while he slept.

And just like that… a wall Zack had restrained himself behind was smashed into a million pieces. 

“Zack I--,” Cloud had started to say while Zack was distracted. He never finished because Zack grabbed him by the waist and pinned him to the door.

Zack’s lips— cold and chapped from walking outside— found the soft warmth of Cloud’s, making the blonde grunt as his mouth was smothered. 

Zack almost paused, worried that he might be being too rough with him. Before he could think long about it, though, Cloud relaxed into him and their lips molded together. 

Zack’s heart thundered. He could hardly believe this was real. After so many years… he had imagined it enough times that he thought he’d never have it. A dream. One he’d held onto when he was far from home, when he was shot at, when he couldn’t make the nightmares stop, even in the hospital once he was home. There was always this dream that someday it would still be Cloud. 

When he had seen him again he thought Cloud could never live up to all that, but now Zack realized he didn’t need him to. The dream was being happy, and Cloud did make him happy. Just by being him. 

Then Cloud was pushing him away.

“Wait,” he breathed, lacking air. “Are you dating Aerith?”

Zack stared at him in blank confusion. 

“No? I mean… I did once.” Zack tried to gather his thoughts from the far reaches of space where Cloud’s mouth had scattered them. “ _ Shiva’s tits _ … it was back before I even met you. She was my first girlfriend, but… I barely even see her like an ex at this point. We’re just friends.”

Relief flooded Cloud’s eyes and Zack blinked.

He frowned as the pieces started clicking together. 

“ _ That’s  _ what’s been going on?” He demanded, bracing his hands at the door on either side of Cloud’s head. “You thought I was with Aerith? Why?”

Cloud looked down with a blush. “It was something I heard back in high school.”

Zack pinched the bridge of his nose. “See… this is what I meant before. About listening to stupid gossip.”

Cloud’s shoulders deflated. “I’m sorry…”

Zack shook his head. 

“Cloud,” He stoked his hand over blonde spikes and then curved it under his jaw. “SInce I met you… you’ve never had anyone else to be jealous of. No one has ever been able to take my attention off of you.”

Cloud blushed at that. 

“Mine either.” He murmured, blue eyes shimmering. “Not from you.”

Zack grinned and kissed him again, but Cloud didn’t seem as patient with him this time. Within seconds his lips were pressing back roughly, teeth and tongue trying to tease a response out of him, making Zack chuckle.

He guided Cloud’s jaw, allowing his hunger a little but trying to slow it down. It didn’t work entirely. When his mouth wasn’t pushing Zack far enough, Cloud reached for his shirt. 

Zack shifted back from him. “Wait…” He winced at the surprise on Cloud’s face. “Shit… I’m sorry.”

Cloud eyes grew tender but it was clear he was trying to hide it. 

“No it’s… I am. I just… after all this time I thought…”

“You thought right,” Zack promised, reaching out to stroke Cloud’s cheek. “It’s not that…”

Zack took a deep breath, then shook his head and sighed.

“I haven’t actually been with anyone since my… accident? I guess you could call it that.” He made a face. “I have scars. They’re healing all the time but… I don’t know. It hasn’t even been two full years yet. 

Cloud’s expression drew into something between gentleness and upset. “Zack… Do you really think that’s going to scar me off?”

Zack smiled wryly and shook his head. “I trust you, but… Ifrit’s balls, Spike. You have no idea.” He swallowed.

“It's hard feeling so confident about something and then…” He ran a hand through his hair. “It just changes things. Not for you, but for me. Ironically, it's actually harder because it’s  _ you _ . Because I’ve wanted this a thousand-million times over, but in  _ none _ of the times I pictured it was I more scar tissue than man.”

Cloud glared at him.

“I’m not in a rush.” He told him. “I mean… yeah, I’ve wanted you since high school. But I don’t really care how quickly we get to all of that. I just want _ you. _ ” Cloud’s eyes shined and a blush darkened the skin around his freckles. “Then, now, always.”

Zack’s heart thumped unevenly in his chest, and there was a tremble in his smile. 

He wrapped his hands around Cloud’s waist. “I can’t believe I really found you again. I was starting to think I never would.”

Cloud smiled, and it made him look softer and younger, almost like his high school-- in a small way. “Well here I am.”

Zack chuckled and pulled Cloud forward to kiss his hair. 

___

Cloud and Zack talked for a long time that night, tucked together on Cloud’s bed. 

They finally talked about all of the things Cloud had been avoiding before. About high school, and what happened, and what had happened since. 

Zack apologized for the rugby game but Cloud told him that he shouldn’t. Cloud talked about some of the time he had spent with his mom, and Zack about the military and the people he had met; all the things that he’d been through there.

At some point Cloud found himself thinking about how much time had passed since they met before, and he wondered if he should be angry at himself-- or anyone-- for how much time they lost. 

He just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He had missed Zack, and while he would have taken any moment with Zack he could have, he wasn’t sorry for the way things had gone. He was glad for the time he’d spent with his mom and Tifa-- even just with himself. He was glad Zack had gotten to experience so much life, no matter how hard it may have been, because he could tell that some of those memories meant the world to him. Probably more than Cloud could ever understand. 

“No one needs to be sorry.” Cloud said at one point, when it was late and he was getting tired. “I’m only glad that I know you, just like this.”

Zack held him tightly. 

“Me too.”

___


	8. Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monthiversary. That's the summary.

**____ 4 WEEKS LATER -- SHINRA UNIVERSITY___**

“A one month anniversary?” Tifa repeated at work one day while she was wiping down the bar. “I feel like that’s kind of a low standard, isn’t it? One month?”

Cloud scowled at her. “Not when the build up took five years.”

Tifa snorted playfully.

“All right, all right. So what’s this plan of yours?” She tilted her head. “Something romantic?”

Cloud shrugged. “Maybe. I just feel like it’s something I need to do. I’m going to need Aerith’s help too.”

Aerith and Cloud had actually hit it off after the whole dating mix up had been cleared away. She said she had been waiting a long time to finally meet him, since Zack had apparently brought him up more than a few times over the years. Cloud only hoped he wasn’t disappointing after so long.

Tifa nodded. The four of them had been hanging out a lot since Cloud and Zack’s relationship had worked out. The girls had become pretty close as well in the last few weeks. 

“All right. What do you need us to do?”

Cloud smiled a little to himself as he started to explain.

___

  
  


“Aerith…” Zack complained as he was dragged around blindly by the small brunette. “Where are we  _ going?  _ I’m supposed to see Cloud tonight. What time is it?”

“Cloud, Cloud, Cloud. Do you ever think about anything else?” Aerith asked as she tugged on his arm, continuing to guide him forward. 

“Like if you planning to murder me in the woods?” Zack grouched. “Could you at least get on with it?”

“We haven’t even gone that far. You’re so slow on foot.”

“No, I’m slow because I’m in a blindfold.” Zack defended himself.

Aerith hmphed. “Semantics.”

Zack sighed heavily. “Why did I ever agree to this?”

“Because you owe me like a thousand for putting up with you for so long?”

“Hey!”

“Just trust me, okay?” Aerith pleaded. “We’re basically there already.”

“Fine, but you’re explaining to Cloud why I’m late.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem.”

“Really? Because it feels like we’ve been walking forever.”

Aerith hummed to herself. 

Finally Aerith stopped him and turned him to face a specific direction. It was very bright wherever they were. He could see glimpses of light through the blindfold, even though he could tell they were still outside. 

“Okay.” Aerith said, and then louder. “Ready?”

“For what?” Zack asked but someone talked over him.

“Ready!” Tifa’s voice called and Zack was even more suspicious. Tifa and Aerith were trouble when they were together. 

Aerith reached up and tugged the blindfold off Zack’s head, making him blink at the sudden brightness. His eyes burned from trying to adjust. 

“Where are we?” He asked in confusion. “The school stadium?”

Aerith giggled and danced away from him toward the stands. Zack stared after her in shock. “Aerith?”

He looked around. He didn’t see Tifa, even though he had heard her earlier. He was just standing alone at the edge of a football field. 

Then something moved out of the corner of his eye.

“Sorry…” Cloud said. “This school doesn’t have a rugby field, so…”

Zack felt his pulse stutter and he turned his head, suddenly understanding what was going on. 

Because there was Cloud, standing a few feet away from the edge of the field. 

What he was wearing made Zack  _ ache. _

It was almost the same as it had been-- tight jeans with his jersey twisted up to tighten it around Cloud’s smaller body-- but it was more than that too. Cloud was taller and more filled out now, so his toned stomach was on full display. His eyes were shaded with make-up, making the blue of them bright and his lashes dark. His cheeks were dusted with blue glitter and small silver stars that were scattered in between his freckles. It was the same sort of make-up the cheer squad would have worn to one of his highschool games. It made Zack smile. 

He didn’t hesitate this time, walking off the field immediately to stand in front of Cloud. His hands came up to wrap around his waist-- a waist that looked shockingly small when it was so bare to him-- and felt the heat of Cloud’s skin under his touch.

“Happy Monthiversary.” Cloud said with no small amount of cynicism. Aerith had definitely taught him that word. 

Zack smiled wide.

“You’re beautiful.” He told Cloud, thumbing up and down along his stomach. “Completely perfect.”

Cloud smiled shyly.

“I thought,” He said quietly, reaching up to touch Zack’s cheek. “That we deserved a do-over.”

Zack leaned in to the touch.

“Hmm….” he murmured, sliding his hands up Cloud’s back and making him shiver. “I think this is better than that.” He slid his hands back down to hold Cloud’s hips. “Because as much as I loved you before… I’m so much more in love with the person you are now.”

Cloud eyes fluttered, a bit surprised, before he blushed and pushed up on his toes to try and goad Zack’s lips closer. 

“I love you too, Zack.” He breathed into the kiss when Zack bent down to meet him. “Always will.”

Zack wove his fingers into the softness of Cloud's hair and kissed him ever deeper, reaching his arm around Cloud’s back to lift him slightly off his feet.

Cloud huffed lightly against his mouth at the feeling and threw his arms around Zack’s neck to drag him closer. 

Somewhere behind them there was the sound of two girls wolf whistling, but they were soundly ignored. 

___

  
  


After the field, Cloud and Zack went to Seventh Heaven. They allowed themselves to be lightly teased by Tifa and Aerith-- not to mention the rest of Cloud’s co-workers like Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge-- in exchange for a meal they could actually afford. College budgets were not a joke. 

Zack sat beside Cloud, his hands tracing over his skin at every chance they got, while they joked with their friends and ate and drank. It felt homey and right to Cloud. Like a place where they belonged. 

After they had dinner and dessert courtesy of Tifa-- and were only slightly buzzed from drinks-- Zack’s hand slid around Cloud’s waist to feel his stomach and Cloud shuddered again, heat curling in his gut.

“So you like this look then?” Cloud asked, giving Zack a heated stare and covering the hand on his stomach with his own. “Seems like it’s still got your attention.”   
  


Zack met his gaze with a crooked smile and a hungry light behind his eyes.

“I like seeing you wear my name.” Zack admitted. “And… yeah. This look definitely does it for me.”

Cloud chuckled. “I’m glad. Makes it a good surprise.”

“It is,” Zack agreed, nuzzling Cloud’s hair. “And…Spike?”

“Hmm?” Cloud was distracted, leaning into the affection and touches. 

“Can I take you home to my place tonight?”

This was actually a pretty normal request, all things considered, and not a first either. Somehow, though, Cloud could hear in Zack’s voice that this time was different.

He looked up at him.

“You sure?” He asked gently, low so others wouldn’t hear. “I wasn’t trying to…”

“I know.” Zack said and laughed warmly. “That’s one of the best parts about you. You’re always so much more than you realize. You’re completely blind to how much you affect me.”

Cloud blushed and fussed with his hair, shy but flattered. Zack turned his chin back so he could look in his eyes. 

“I’m asking because I want to.” He whispered, thumbing along Cloud’s jaw. “You’re devastating to my will power, especially dressed like that, but I’m sure about this.”

Cloud smiled a little. “I have that much power, huh?”

“More than you know.” Zack promised, leaning down to kiss the soft skin just below his ear. Cloud’s breathing hitched. “So what do you say?”

Cloud nodded, “Let’s go.” 

Zack’s smile pooled heat into Cloud’s stomach and they were quick to pay the bill and say goodbye to everyone before not so inconspicuously excusing themselves.

Aerith and Tifa both giggled and winked at them. Cloud rolled his eyes but his ears were bright pink. Zack must have noticed because he nipped at them.

Cloud jolted in surprise. 

“You drive me crazy.” Zack growled into his ear. “So hot… but also so cute.”

Cloud’s blush spread. 

“I don’t want to be cute.” He complained and Zack laughed. 

“Too bad.” He teased, tightening his arm around Cloud’s waist. “It comes naturally.”

Cloud elbowed him in the stomach hard enough to make him grunt. 


	9. Drive Me Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING
> 
> Cloud and Zack get intimate.

Zack’s apartment was not lavish, but to Cloud it sometimes felt that way after spending so much time crammed in his own closet-sized dorm.

_ “You should just move in with me.”  _ Zack always said when he came over and Cloud would blush.

_ “Next semester.”  _ He had agreed, over and over, and that was probably for the best. Because he couldn’t imagine how he would have waited for Zack to touch him if he had slept next to him every single night.

“Cloud,” Zack’s voice was husky and raw as he pressed him to the apartment door the moment they stepped inside. Cloud’s breathing was fast as Zack’s hands slid up his stomach again, making the muscles contract under his touch.

Cloud dragged Zack’s mouth to his and kissed him like he was starving. All teeth and tongue and heat. He hadn’t kissed Zack quite like this since the first night, but the way Zack touched him now told him that he could. Zack’s hands were strong and dragging against his body. Feeling every inch of him like he wanted to take him apart.

Cloud gasped and let Zack lift him up so he could hitch his legs around Zack’s hips. 

“Think we can make it past the door this time?” Cloud breathed roughly against Zack’s neck. Zack growled and tightened his grip on Cloud’s thighs.

“Maybe,” He grumbled, “But I wouldn’t get used to it.”

Cloud laughed, “Impatient?”

“At my limit.” Zack countered, dragging his teeth over Cloud’s pulse and pressing their hips together. Cloud whined desperately and Zack flashed a grin. “Just like you.”

He hoisted Cloud tighter around his waist and carried him down the hall. Once they entered his room he laid Cloud out on the bed beneath him and Cloud breathed out in relief. He reached down to pull Zack’s jersey over his head… but then Zack’s hand stopped him.

Cloud looked up in confusion and Zack looked down at him, his eyes dark and lusty. Cloud tilted his head. 

“You wanna fuck me in this?” He teased him, sitting up. His hands reached out to slide his fingers down Zack’s neck and shoulders. “You want your name on my back even when you’re inside me? That’s greedy.”

Zack licked his lips at Cloud’s words, eyes meeting eyes in the dimness. “Is that okay?” 

Cloud considered it, humming. He reached down and unknotted the jersey so it fell down his stomach and was loose around his frame. “If you still touch me underneath it.”

Zack smirked and bent down to the last strip of bare skin just above Cloud’s waistband. Cloud tipped his head back against the bed with a sigh. 

“I’m going to touch every inch of you.” Zack rasped against his skin. “I want to taste every little freckle.”

Cloud shivered. 

Zack reached down to trace his hands up and down Cloud’s parted thighs.

“These will have to come off though,” Zack said about Cloud’s jeans. “As hot as your ass and thighs are in them.”

Cloud snorted. “Both are plenty hot without them. Trust me.”

“I do.” Zack chuckled and undid the pants. He dragged them down Cloud’s legs, revealing long stretches of pale skin. Cloud’s boxer-briefs were dark grey and tight around the straining erection inside. They also hugged his ass nicely. His legs were toned and parted to let Zack between them. The raven’s eyes devoured the sight eagerly before he started undoing his own jeans. 

Cloud sat up again. “Zack…”

Zack paused, his expression softening. “What is it?”

Cloud bit his lip but kept hold of Zack’s gaze as he gently reached out and laid a hand on Zack’s stomach over his shirt. 

“Do you want to keep it on?” Cloud asked, his expression holding no judgement either way. Zack took a deep breath.

“No.” His voice was honest and he touched the hem of his shirt. “It’s just a little… I’m sorry that it’s not…”

Cloud rolled onto his knees, his expression fiercer as he pushed up closer to Zack’s eyes. 

“Stop.” He said firmly and he traced his hands over Zack’s face, over the one scar that was visible there. “I’m not afraid. I’m not going anywhere. I’m still going to want this.” Cloud kissed his lips so gently he could feel a tremor go through Zack beneath his hands.

Cloud sat back a little and carefully ran his hands over Zack’s shirt. When he reached the hem he traced it, and then slipped his fingers underneath to feel his skin.

Zack sucked in a breath and Cloud could feel the uneven texture on the pads of his fingers. Zack’s eyes were closed now, and Cloud didn’t make him open them. He just kissed Zack’s chest over his heart. 

Careful to go slowly, Cloud twisted his hand in the fabric and eased Zack’s shirt up, dropping his eyes to see the skin that was revealed underneath.

It was still angrier-looking than Cloud would have expected after nearly two years, and the pain hinted at by the shinier twisted skin made his heart hurt.

He closed his eyes and a single tear escaped down his cheek. 

Cloud leaned forward, his lips pressing soft over the skin as he explored it with his mouth, kissing and tasting and worshiping his way up from Zack’s hips to the center of his chest. 

Once he was there, he took Zack’s shirt and gently eased it over his head. When the fabric fell, Zack’s eyes had opened and were looking at Cloud. Cloud looked right back. 

“Thank you.” Cloud murmured in his low voice. “For living through this, and coming back to me.”

Zack’s eyes widened in surprise. 

Cloud leaned closer, meeting Zack’s lips and kissing him slowly.

Zack kissed back, reaching up to hold him by the back of his neck.

His hand shook a little.

“I love you.” He said into his mouth and Cloud smiled.

“I love you too.” He pet the other man’s stomach with warm calloused fingers. “Every inch of you.”

Zack smiled weakly and chuckled. His hands slid up Cloud’s thighs. 

“Come here.”

Zack laid Cloud back on the bed again. He took off his own jeans and guided Cloud’s thighs to hold onto his hips, sliding their bodies together as he climbed over him.

Cloud gasped at the feeling of their skin sliding together and tightened his thighs around him. Zack’s hands explored the shape of him and he rolled his hips into Cloud’s. 

Cloud’s head rolled back against the sheets. “I need more, Zack.”

“I know.” Zack purred, licking the shell of his ear and rolling his hips again. “But I want to savor every second of this.” 

He kissed from Cloud’s ear, down his throat, pushing the jersey up so that he could continue his path over Cloud’s chest before venturing off to capture his nipple in his mouth.

Cloud gasped and squirmed, his nails dragging through Zack’s hair. “Zack!”

Zack hummed around him before switching to the other side, making Cloud roll his hips desperately. He managed to continue his path down to Cloud’s stomach, only to pause and tease him by dipping his tongue into Cloud bellybutton, making the blonde’s hips jump.

Zack’s fingers hooked into Cloud's waistband and he tugged, bearing Cloud to him in a sudden rush of air that made him suck in a breath.

“Please…” Cloud whined as Zack’s breath brushed against his bare cock. “Five years, Zack!”

The raven laughed deeply. 

“I’m making up for lost time.” He teased, darting out his tongue to taste the salty skin of Cloud dick, licking a long stripe from base to tip.

Cloud’s body strained, a vein visible along the side of his neck as he thrashed. 

“Zack!”

“If I speed up now,” Zack warned, “Then I'll have to take you apart over and over again for the rest of the night to make up for it.”

Goosebumps raised on Cloud’s skin and he groaned in pleasure. 

“Then do that!”

Zack hummed in approval before taking Cloud’s cock into his mouth. 

“Fuck!”

It hadn’t totally crossed his mind before this, if Zack had experience or not. He had sort of assumed… just because that’s how Zack seemed. It was different feeling it though, and knowing for sure. 

It didn’t bother him. Whoever had been, he still chose Cloud, and he had played around a bit after high school too. It didn’t dampen this. Zack would always be different than anyone else. 

Cloud was panting, his hands fisting the sheets as every drag of Zack’s tongue made his toes curl. He gripped Zack’s hair in his fingers to urge him on, feeling the wet heat of his mouth tighten in response.

“So sensitive,” Zack purred when he pulled back to kiss Cloud’s thigh. “I’m not done with you yet, Cloud. So far from it.”

Cloud whimpered when he felt Zack’s head closer between his legs, his hair tickling his inner thighs. Cloud swallowed hard just before he felt the wet prod of Zack tongue teasing him. 

“You want me here?” Zack asked him and Cloud’s body rolled visibly in response, making Zack chuckle. 

“You’re so responsive like this. If I knew getting you naked would make you so honest I would have done it ages ago.”

“You should have.” Cloud challenged, regaining just enough feist in his voice to be threatening. “If you don’t hurry up, I’m going to do it for you.”

Zack hummed low and it was a predatory sound. “I think I’d like to see that, but I still have so much exploring to do.” 

Finally his tongue pushed inside and the blonde’s head tossed back.

“Fuck, Zack.”

Zack moved his tongue inside of him, the wet slide of it teasing Cloud walls and making him whine. He could feel himself tighten around it, and Zack squeezed his thigh.

_ Relax.  _

Cloud let out a breath and closed his eyes.

His body eased and Zack pressed deeper, quickly joining his finger in with his tongue. Cloud hissed in pleasure. 

Zack must have pulled lube from somewhere because Cloud could hear the pop of a cap and suddenly he was much wetter inside. Cool, slick fingers pushing inside him. 

Zack working Cloud open was slow, partly-- Cloud suspected-- because Zack looked to be much larger than average and getting Cloud wet and open was safer. Yet, he also suspected Zack was just enjoying it. Every sound and twitch Cloud’s body made seemed to make Zack hungrier. Deep sounds rolling out from inside his chest.

Once Cloud felt open and slick, lube slipping down his thighs, he kicked his heel against Zack. His cock was red and leaking against his stomach, his entire body feeling drawn tight like a wire ready to snap.

“Zack!”

Zack hummed, seeming content to keep tasting and teasing him and Cloud groaned.

“You fucker!” He snapped, pushing Zack back and rolling onto his knees. 

His legs trembled from the drawn-out pleasure and he could feel them slide slickly against each other as he moved, but he stayed up right. He pushed at Zack again only to have the other man fight back, pushing himself into Cloud’s space. There was a fire in his eyes.

Cloud knew it wasn’t as even of a fight as Zack was pretending. He was in the military for years, after all. Even if he had been hurt and home for a while, he still could have laid Cloud out and pinned him in a flash if he wanted to, but he didn’t. Cloud thought Zack must have liked him challenging him. That he enjoyed Cloud’s ferocity in moments like this. 

Cloud grabbed Zack's shoulders and pushed his body weight into him, trying to lay him back, but Zack resisted. He grabbed Cloud’s wrist and stretched it over his head but the blonde reached for Zack’s hair with his other hand and pulled. He wrapped his leg around Zack’s waist and tried to roll him, which Zack allowed. He let Cloud land on top of him, with his legs spread over Zack’s hips. Cloud smiled at the triumph and rolled his ass back against Zack’s clothed cock.

Zack groaned and Cloud licked his lips. “You’re overdressed.”

Zack smiled and tugged on the hem of the jersey Cloud still wore. “Am I?”

“You are.” Cloud affirmed, reaching under himself to tug Zack’s briefs down so his cock could spring free. Once he had, he settled back over it and rolled their bodies together. Cloud’s slicked ass and cock rubbed against Zack and the raven groaned roughly, rolling up into the feeling.

“Gods, you’re sexy as fuck.” Zack said, his voice sounding wrecked. “Everytime I imagined you… I wish I’d known how good you’d really be. I would have been even more of a mess over you.”

Cloud smiled down at him, sliding their bodies together again. “You’re better than anything I could have pictured in my head.”

Zack smiled back at him for that, reaching up to trace the side of his stomach under the jersey. “Come here.” 

Cloud bent down and they kissed, their lips colliding messily and struggling against each other. Their tongues wrestling wetly between their mouths.

“Not going to let me win, huh?” Zack breathed into his mouth. He was smiling.

“No.” Cloud said, “You have to do that yourself.”

“Hmmm…”

Zack kept kissing him, rough and wet, and his hand slid up and along Cloud’s back and thighs, squeezing his ass in one hand when Cloud started to roll his hips again.

Cloud dragged his nails down Zack's stomach, feeling them catch against his scars and making Zack hiss. The raven rolled his own hips to rub himself against the lube dripping from Cloud’s ass.

He groaned.

“No more waiting,” Zack growled, grabbing Cloud’s hips to keep them where he needed them and using his other hand to guide his cock. 

Cloud felt it when the head of it pressed against the inside of him and his eyelids fluttered in pleasure. 

“Zack…”

“I’ve got you.” Zack promised from beneath him, “Move with me, okay?”

Cloud nodded and Zack helped guide him as their hips slowly pressed together. Cloud felt it as the thick head of Zack’s cock pressed past that first ring of muscle and stretched Cloud open wider than he’d ever been before.

Cloud choked and his head dropped back. He felt Zack reach up to brace his back to keep him upright.

Cloud gasped and rocked himself forward, taking more of Zack inside, feeling him slide against his walls. He pushed himself down and when he felt Zack’s hips meet his own he cried out. 

The stretch was wide and he could feel Zack deep inside of him, pressing intimately.

“Shiva’s fucking cunt!” Zack swore loudly, voice strained. “Cloud! Are you trying to kill me?”

Cloud giggled, the sound spurred on by the pleasure of Zack inside of him. “Too fast?”

Zack stroked his thighs, “I think my heart stopped for a second.”

Cloud grinned and bent down, feeling the motion shift Zack inside of him. Zack hissed.

Cloud kissed right over Zack’s heart. “Sorry.”

Zack smiled at him, his eyes lidded. “Hold onto me.”

Cloud wrapped his arms around Zack's shoulders as they shifted, their bodies wrapping around each other and their lips meeting before Zack grabbed onto Cloud’s hips for support as the two of them started to move.

“Zack,” Cloud's voice broke and Zack bit down on his lip. 

“I know, me too,” He sounded destroyed, his voice rough. He held onto Cloud tighter and their pacing sped up.

The room felt hot and Cloud’s skin was slick with sweat, but his core was lit up like a fire. Burning with pressure and building heat. 

He clung to Zack as the two of them moved, the sound of their breathing, rough voices, and the slapping of skin filling Cloud’s ears 

“Cloud,” Zack purred, cupping his jaw and kissing him, again and again and again. Cloud could taste him on his tongue and chased the taste like it was oxygen, only parting when he actually needed to breathe. Zack's mouth found every patch of skin on his face, jaw and throat. 

“Zack!” Cloud cried out, his voice shattering as release hit him harder and more suddenly than he expected. His entire body trembled as it rolled through him and he collapsed bonelessly against Zack.

Zack held onto him tightly.

“Cloud,” His voice strained again, and Cloud woke just enough to tilt his head and meet Zack’s lips when they searched for him. 

Zack groaned into his mouth as he released, hot inside of him.

Cloud wasn’t entirely aware of what happened after that. He felt floaty and shapeless, like he was outside of himself. 

He became aware again when Zack slowly shifted them and his cock slid out. He laid Cloud next to him on the bed and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed his hair.

“I’m so in love with you.” Zack whispered. “It scares me a little, sometimes.”

Cloud hummed sleepily. “Me too, but I can’t help it. Because it’s you.”

Zack chuckled and squeezed him tighter, kissing all over his face.

“I think I’m the luckiest man alive.”

___


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the ending.

**____ 5 MONTHS LATER -- SHINRA UNIVERSITY____**

  
  
  


The sounds of the coffee shop were a dull white noise as Cloud’s pencil scratched idly at the page in front of him.

“Are you still studying?” Zack’s voice rumbled as he leaned over Cloud and brushed his lips against his ear. “I thought you promised you would be done if I gave you another hour.”

Cloud smiled, but didn’t look up from his page. Zack leaned closer to inspect it.

“Ooooohh, I see.” Cloud could hear the smile in his voice. He reached over and thumbed the page next to Cloud’s picture. A logo of a wolf running behind the words “Grey Wolf Garage”.

“It’s perfect.” Zack squeezed his shoulders and kissed his temple. “I can’t wait.”

“We still have two more years of school left.” Cloud pointed out, and Zack hummed.

“That doesn’t sound so bad. I’m sure I can find a way to entertain myself.” His fingers twisted in Cloud’s shirt, making the blonde chuckle.

“Do you want to finish your bike this weekend?” Cloud asked, “Because if you keep distracting me with sex, it’s never going to happen.”

“Yeah, I noticed you complaining about that last night.” Zack teased. “And I think there's plenty of time for both.” He wrapped his arms around Cloud’s waist and kissed his hair. “Do you want me to order you another one?” He nodded at Cloud’s empty cup. 

Cloud nodded, “The girls wanted to meet us here so I better be caffeinated if I’m going to keep up with them.” 

Zack laughed. 

He got them drinks and then sat down beside him, keeping his arm draped around Cloud while he watched him sketch.

“Do you want me to do a custom paint for your bike?” Cloud asked, looking over at him. Zack smiled. 

“Dark blue. With stars.” He said, excitement in his eyes. “Would that be okay?”

Cloud smiled, “You got that from me.”

Zack grinned, “I remember everything Cloud. Everything.”

Cloud blushed and tipped his head up to kiss him.

“Gross!” Aerith complained loudly as she and Tifa approached, but she was smiling. 

Cloud flipped her off and deepened the kiss.

The girls ordered drinks while Cloud and Zack tried to untangle themselves from each other and then they sat down.

“So I’ve decided we should have a party at you guys’ place for the end of the year.” Aerith announced, folding her hands under her chin.

“Our place?” Cloud frowned. “Why? I want to be able to leave, Aerith.”

“That’s why.” Tifa teased him and Cloud scowled at her.

“We can’t do it at my place,” Aerith told him. “You brutes will hurt my flowers.” 

Cloud pouted.

“And I still live in the dorms.” Tifa finished.

“And how many people are you planning on inviting?” Zack asked with the raise of his eyebrow, but he looked like he was enjoying himself. 

“Well…” Tifa held up a hand to count. “The four of us, Jessie, Biggs, Wedge, Barret.”

“Our boss?” Cloud frowned, “Why?”

“He’s a nice guy!”

Cloud looked doubtful at that. “Is that all?”

“Can I invite some people?” Zack asked and Cloud looked at him like he was a traitor.

“Cloud… not everyone is as antisocial as you.”

Cloud’s pout grew more pronounced so Zack kissed it. 

Cloud was unmoved and elbowed him in the rib.

“Then it's a party!” Aerith cheered and Cloud scowled.

“I never said yes!” He protested and everyone just laughed.

Zack leaned into him, “Is it really so bad? Maybe you’ll like having more friends.”

“I doubt it.” Cloud complained. “But fine.”

Zack kissed his temple.

“Yay!” The girls cheered and Zack smiled at Cloud-- who rolled his eyes but his lips were fighting a smile of his own.

“End of the year, huh?” Cloud murmured, staring down at his notebook.

“Yeah.” Zack stroked his hair. “Worked out better this time, huh?”

Cloud leaned into him. “Yeah it did.”

It was funny how your life could change… over little moments so you hardly even noticed. Cloud’s life had changed many times, over and over until he ended up here. He wondered what little choices he had made correctly to end up like this.

Whatever they were… he was glad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL That's it. I hope you guys liked this. I might do a sequel someday after I finish LYM but we'll see lol I loved writing this and the idea just kind of came to me and I couldn't ignore it so I hope it was fun to read. Let me know what you guys thought about it and what you would think about there being future installments about where things go from here. Thank you all for reading!


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